“For I have known them all already, known them all: 
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, 
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons…”

~ T.S. Eliot, 
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

Happy one year journalversary to me! 

Actually, it’s a happy journalversary to this journal, the erstwhile Blue & Green.  And as you can see, I’ve bought it a present.  Once I figured out that it would be sticking around, I gave it a domain of its very own.  And a makeover, too. 

At the time when I started, the name Blue & Green was quite appropriate.  (Boring, but appropriate.)  I was struggling to balance the romantic, creative side of my personality with the intellectual, cynical side.  But somehow (and hell if I know how) the two sides seem to have integrated. I’ve lost the sharper edges and I try to keep my feet a little more firmly on the ground.  And here I am. 

This year, I met my older sister.  I had a movie quotes contest.  I found out grandma has cancer. I applied to graduate school.  I put up with the Crazy Dog Lady.  My relationship evolved.  I went to Vegas a few times, and Monterey, and Boston, and the Mediterranean.  I went to the Oscars.  There was a day in there somewhere where I didn’t eat any chocolate. 

But you don’t need me to tell you all of this.  You can read it all for yourselves.  It’s here, every bitter and joyful and bored and pissed off and excited and depressed and cheerful and hopeful word.  I’ve always wanted to keep a journal and failed.  “But this time, I will no fail.”  And I didn’t. 

I can’t believe I’ve actually kept the journal going for a year.  I thought it would fizzle out in a couple of months.  Nobody would read, or I’d lose interest, or both.  And it’s a year later, y’all.  And now I can do those coveted “one year ago” thingies.  You should really check them out for the next little while, so you can see the improvement for yourself.

Over the past year, there are times when I’ve felt unappreciated.  “I give and give! And what do I get?”  Yeah, there were 20 minutes of that here and there.  But I got over it.  This journal has given me so much.  I have colleagues and readers who are irreplaceable friends… I can’t even list them all.  I have become part of a community… I’ll never forget the excitement when this person linked to me, or when that person sent me the wonderful mail.  I’ve had to learn to control my depression when people un-link and un-subscribe, though.  That’s okay.  I’ve learned to do that, too.  And most of all, I’ve learned that I can jump into a project with both feet, and make it work.  I can sustain my commitment and enthusiasm over the long haul. 

These days, when I daydream about what the future will hold, there are times when I don’t even daydream about the events themselves—just my journal entries about those events.  Scary, isn’t it?  Sure, there are days when I’m sick of the whole mess, but those days are few and far between. 

For the past year, I haven’t measured out my life in coffee spoons.  I’ve measured it in journal entries.  And you guys have been along for the ride—whether this is the first entry you’ve read, or the 213th.   And I thank you for making me feel so welcome, and for caring enough about my life to come here and click me. 

And hey, on this special occasion, why not throw me some electronic confetti in the way of mail?  I’d like to know how long you’ve been reading, and what you think of the new design.  And I’d like to know who’s out there with me.  Write and say “you’re welcome” – because in the fine tradition of Bartles and Jaymes, I thank you for your support. 

Thank you, thank you, each one of you.  Here’s to another year. 

Whereas I consider sex to be an expression of love, he looks at it as proof of love. So if we're fighting, he wants to have sex to fix the problem, and I don't want to have sex until the problem is fixed.