Last night, I went to my parents house to sit with my grandmother for a few hours.  "What do you want?" the nurse asked. She was asking about food and drink. "To run, and jump, and dance," my grandmother responded. Her spirit is so strong…

But I can't talk about it anymore.

I drove home, crying of course, and by the time I got there, I was somewhat okay.  The resiliency of the human spirit is truly amazing. Not just my grandmother's, but mine as well. I'm actually somewhat cheerful this morning. 

It helps that I'm not thinking of my relationship as doomed anymore. I can't sit around and cry every time he kisses me and says he loves me. (A few days ago I was crying and he said, "Don't cry, Mo pie!" and started blowing puffs of air on my eyeballs to dry my tears. It was so adorable... that I started crying again.) 

Anyway, I can't sustain that kind of despair. I have to believe our relationship will survive. Anything can happen in the next month, and I'm not going to start crying over milk that hasn't even been spilled yet. I'm just going to hang on to the cow as tightly as I can.

(See? A bizarre analogy. I'm almost back to my old self.) 

So how did I amuse myself last night? I watched Road Rules, talked to Lucy and Charlotte, and talked to Matt. And I made a MOg at Café Press.

(Speaking of Reality TV, last weekend I had a dream I was in the Big Brother house. Although it was less of a house and more of a compound. Also in the house were my sister, my cousin and Joan. Also Danny and Jamie from The Real World, and I was having an affair with Jamie, who was really sexy in my dream, although in actuality, I think he's a dolt. )

I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up watching Roger Ebert's Dark City commentary. I then realized that I absolutely love commentary tracks. I decided to go on Amazon and check out which DVDs have commentary tracks. I then filled up my wish list with those DVDs, as a reminder to myself that I want to get those.  Some of my favorite movies are on that list! The anticipation is very nice. 

I know it's silly to be so obsessed about DVDs, but I can't help gravitating my thoughts there. It's a happy thing, and I need me some happy. 

And speaking of DVDs, and happy, my collection is about to undergo a huge increase.  Colleen (sweet, sweet, loveable Colleen) is going to send me The Matrix.  This is very exciting. It's the perfect DVD movie and I'm been dying to see it again. So yay, Colleen! Yay! And I guess I'll forgive her for her happy lovebird relationship and her lovey dovey wedding planning.  

Not that I'm bitter or anything.  Ha! 

(Love you, Colleeny-Bean.) 

Finally, I went out to lunch with Candy yesterday. It was fun. Our moment of Zen came at the end of lunch. She gave me a hug and handed me a gift bag. She said "I know you're going to think I'm crazy when you see this, but you might need it in the future. Maybe after your grandmother dies, you'll find that you need it. So keep it with you just in case, and remember... if you get rid of it, God will be angry at you."

I opened the bag and as I suspected: it was a Bible. Actually, it was the Woman's Study Bible, and as these things go, it's pretty interesting. 

But now my question is this. If I take it to Borders and exchange it for a DVD... am I going to hell?

What if I get The Last Temptation of Christ?

How about Jesus Christ Superstar?

Any theologians out there?

Hello?

But as I’ve said a hundred times, I deserve any pain that I incur as a result of this situation. No matter how bad it is, she’s gone through worse.