I'm going to talk politics. I just have to get this whole mess off my chest. Won't take but a second. Really.

I don't just hate Dubya, I have a physical aversion to him. Seriously, if he wins, I am not watching the news for four years. I will stop watching the State of the Union. I will avoid all involvement in national politics. I will stay in bed all day on November 8, with the covers pulled over my head, crying and wailing. I will create a pointy weapon out of staples and impale myself on it.

I figured out what it is, too. (Aside from the obvious, that is.) He reminds me so much of my old boss Ralph. They actually look alike, they sound alike, and they're both Republican fools that have somehow conned people into respecting them. I found out who said, "George W. Bush was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple." It was some guy named Jim Hamilton. I love Jim Hamilton. He's my new boyfriend.

I can't remember where I heard this, but someone said that the reason people don't like Gore is because they know he's smarter than they are. He's condescending in his intelligence. Who says people don't want a president smarter than they are? Isn't this desirable? Maybe it's true, though. People don't want a smart president. Instead, they want a yokel with his head up his ass. It reinforces my "80% of all Americans are stupid" theorem. If Dubya wins, I will get bumper stickers made with that slogan on it.

I am voting for Al Gore, by the way. Despite his flaws (and god knows he has plenty of them) I like Gore. I like his commitment to the environment. I like him enough to vote for him and to be happy if he wins. For senate, I am voting for the Green Party candidate, Medea Benjamin, who I really like. I am a proud card carrying member of the Green Party, in fact. As such, I really hope Nader makes his 5%.

Okay, that's enough of that.

Today, I found a tape of old Girl Scout songs and I was listening to it in the car. When I was a girl scout, back in the day, we did a project where we all sat around and sang a bunch of Girl Scout songs into a tape recorder. This tape includes top 40 hits such as "Boogie Woogie Washer Woman" and "The Circle Game."

I loved some of those songs, man. They bring back great memories. I was singing along with a song called On The Loose and it actually gave me chills: "On the loose to climb a mountain / On the loose where I am free / On the loose to live my life / The way I think my life should be / For I only have a moment / And the whole world yet to see / I'll be looking for tomorrow on the loose."

Aaaw. I have such the heart of a girl scout. That song made me feel all inspirational and stuff.

The tape is hilarious, though. I can totally pick out my own voice, because I am singing VERY loudly and VERY enthusiastically. I may not be the worst singer on the tape, but I am certainly the most obnoxious. Rather than being embarrassed, I feel a huge wave of affection for the awkward, annoying fifteen year old girl I used to be. I just loved singing, and I thought I was GOOD, and you can hear it in my voice, belting out those songs like there's no tomorrow.

"You're going to kick ass in ten years," I thought as I listened. "You go, Mo. You sing it, girl."

Remember my big 91 cent paycheck from Bella Online? I knew it was on the low side, of course, so I asked what the average was. $6 was the average amount earned. The top host earned $26. I don't even want to contemplate how much work that top host had to do for $26.

The editor also said something about it being "the transitional month" and the figures for October would be higher as a result. Uh huh. We'll see. I don't understand how "transitional month" has anything to do with it, frankly. And I don't see how they're going to hang onto their hosts if busting your ass gets you a lousy $26 a month.

I got another e-mail from them, dictating the new direction we're supposed to take. No personal articles, it says. Try and be encyclopedic. Man, that sounds boring. But, whatever. "The top ten Young Adult Books of 2000" coming right up.

91 cents. Shit.

My parents crack me up.

My mother calls me to "ask me what's going on" in my life, but all she does is talk about my sister. I get to hear, in miniscule detail, everything Abby does. Of course the punch line is that she forgets all the important details:

"Abby is getting coffee right now. She was here all day and then had some lunch, and she called her friend and they went out to get coffee. Oh, did she tell you she is working on a movie? It's a movie with a big budget, like 70 thousand dollars. Well not a big budget, a medium budget. I found the script on the table today, but I think she took it back into her room. She decided to work on it because she can work on it at night. And then she bought a new computer because she's going to need it for the movie. Ash helped her buy the computer, because she seems to know a lot--"

"Uh, what's the name of the movie?"

"I don't know."

"Where is it filming?"

"Huh? Oh. I don't remember."

"What's she doing on it?"

"I don't really know exactly."

"Thanks, Mom."

Then my father decides to get in on the action. His favorite thing is dispensing inane fatherly advice. My favorite piece of advice from today was this: "Don't forget to pack warm clothes for Holland."

Oh, did you say we're going to Holland? In December? Oh, shit. And all this time, I thought we were visiting our relatives in Tahiti. So I should pack warm clothes? Because I already have a suit case full of tank tops, shorts and bikinis. Thank god you set me straight, Dad. I would have been so fucked!

Parents. You gotta love them. At least Abby and I have successfully lured them out of the grip of the Republican party. When I was young and innocent, before I was politically aware, my dad couldn't stop praising every Republican who crossed his path, no matter how moronic. Thank god Abby and I grew up and decided to set them straight. Or else they might have grown up to vote for Dubya.

And, really, it would suck if I was forced to disown my own parents.

"I feel like Charlie Brown on Valentine’s day, hopefully watching my mailbox. This is finally going to be the quarter that the little red headed girl comes by with a sparkly heart just for me."