Introduction

The entire American contingent of our family (eight people) flew to the Netherlands (aka Holland, although technically, Holland is the name of one of the provinces, not the whole country) for the holidays. However, we didn't all arrive at the same time, leave at the same time, or stay in the same places. Hopefully it won't be too confusing.

If you're interested in my family history, I'll give you a brief outline. There aren't that many of us in America, but we have a lot of family in Holland. Both of my parents are originally from Holland, and I've traveled there with them twice before, and have met a metric buttload of Dutch people that are related to me in one way or another.

A few years ago, my oma (the Dutch word for grandmother) moved back to Holland. Recently, we discovered that she is going blind. She used to travel back to the U.S. twice a year, so we would get to see her. However, she's most likely not going to be leaving Holland again. So her two kids (my dad and my aunt) and their families (including me and Abby, and our cousins Laura and Lucy) went to visit her.

Laura, me, Abby and Lucy with Oma.

In 1997, my father told me and Abby that he has another daughter. In the summer of 1999, she and her family came to visit for a month. That's the only time I've ever met them. So in addition to visiting Oma, I was really excited to see them again: my older sister (Conny) and her family (her husband Chris, her kids Stephanie, Patricia and Christian.)

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Chris and Conny & Stephanie, Christian and Patricia.

Here are the notes from my travel notebook.

December 20, 21 & 22
Zandvoort

Crappy plane ride. Only slept for 20 minutes and woke up with Mom screaming, "MONIQUE DO YOU LIKE MISTA BEAN?? MISTA BEAN IS ON THE TEE VEE! DO YA WANT SOME BREAKFAST?" "Mom... please don't talk to me right now." I was afraid of what I might do if she kept talking.

We arrived at the airport and were met by my brother-in-law and sister. They took us to Zandvoort, where my dad's cousins own a condo. It's a little beach town where my oma lives.

The town of Zandvoort, as seen from the condo's window.

Oma very happy to see us; she cried. We lost one piece of luggage, including laptop and mom's giant wig. [The missing bag was later recovered, but it was not a happy couple of days.] Cute town on the sea. Million dollar view. Casino downstairs.

Slept a lot once we arrived. Finally useful to know Dutch: signs, TV commercials, subtitles on movies-- funny! Sex line commercials include nudity here. A woman putting a cell phone in her underwear.

Abby woke me up in the middle of the night by putting huggy friend [a teddy bear] on my face. "I can't sleep," she said. "Well I CAN," I said, and went back to sleep. We woke up at 3 a.m. and played gin rummy.

December 23
Amsterdam

After three days of doing absolutely nothing, Abby and I decided to spend the day in Amsterdam.

One of many, many train trips.

Up at 3 a.m.-- jet lag! Played war until 6:00-- then shower and get ready. Mom and Dad to Schiphol Airport to look for lost suitcase. Me and Abby to Amsterdam. Ride uneventful.

Found Hotel de la Poste. [This hotel is owned by a family friend and is closed to guests in the winter. At this point in the vacation, my aunt, uncle and cousins were staying there. ] Lucy was not there, had just left. Arranged to meet Lucy at 2:00.

Abby and I went to Irish pub on Rembrandtplein for lunch. I had a smoked salmon sandwich, some Guinness, and we split fries. Deserted, misty, wintery, cold. Wonderful! [Winter is such a novelty when you're raised in southern California.] Decided to shop. Get Christmas gifts and souvenirs.

A place that sells patat (french fries) which is mouth wateringly good in Amsterdam.

After lots of good shopping (and watching streets get crowded) we went back to Hotel de la P just as fam pulled up. Socialized a little then the four girls went to find sex museum. On tram, some pervert was yelling at passing girls, "I love you! I lick you!" He got off where we did and we worried that he was heading to sex museum too. He had picture of a porn girl and was licking it. "I love sex! I love Sabrina!" I had to yell, "Leave us alone." He did.

One of these things just doesn't belong here...

We went to sex museum. Funny and interesting! I could have stayed longer checking it out, especially pornography from early 20th century and turn of the century. Also saw women having sex with various animals: a pig, a snake, a zebra, a dog, a horse, etc. They also had a funny animatronic flasher. Only in Amsterdam.

I think my hat makes this picture even funnier!

Amsterdam is still one of my favorite cities. Holland in general, too. City is beautiful: canals, narrow houses. People friendly. I know the language. Less sexual repression. Progressive laws. Now that I've had the experience of living in a new city, I feel that I could go live in a new country, too: Holland.

The train station in Amsterdam.

Mom on e-mail: "No, I don't think your computer has to be on. The e-mails just stay in space or something until you turn it on."

Mom's aunt came over with her son M and his wife. M used to be a model and is absolutely gorgeous. Enjoyed those three kisses. [The Dutch kiss hello and goodbye with three kisses on the cheeks.] Mom and her aunt seemed to have a catharsis. Talked about Grandma, talked about uncle who died right before Grandma did. Held each other and cried. I had to tune out the grandma conversations. Just too painful.

Christmas Eve
Zandvoort

Lazy morning in bed. Parents out shopping. Thinking-- need to make Paris plans. It is raining today. Glad we have "inside" plans. "Do nothing, and do it inside" are the plans.

[Later.] Now it's snowing! How spectacular. Out of hot water mid shower. Had to rinse with ice water: BRR. Working on my novel. Tried to get pictures of snow. Wrote post cards.

Same view, now with added snow.

How bizarre is this? Snow on the beach.

Mom was enthusiastic about the snow. I was taking pictures out the window and saw her coming down the street. She saw me in the window and started waving and bouncing around.

She really is so cute sometimes.

When she came in, she was crying and smiling. She's "never seen snow falling down" before. She said in last 100 years in Holland, it's only snowed on sixteen Christmases. Mom said, "God has given me every blessing and I don't deserve it. God has been so good to me." We said of course you deserve it, Mom.

Went to Holland Casino. More quiet than Vegas and with a cover charge, like Monte Carlo casino. Abby played blackjack.

The casino was right downstairs from us... too bad I had no bankroll.

In Holland, other people can bet on your hand. Some guy did that with Abby and I thought he was giving her money. (In Vegas, it's common for cute girls to get money from gamblers.) He finally explained that it was his money, not hers, when she tried to pick it up. Oops.

Christmas
Almere

Traveled to our next home away from home: Almere, where my sister and her family live.

The family gathered around the Christmas tree. The giant wig belongs to my mother. It's her new hair concept. I'm sorry I'm wearing that damn scarf in every picture. It was just so fucking cold there that I kept it on all the time.

A beautiful white Christmas morning.

Abby took this one, a view of the front yard. Isn't it great?

Didn't get a lot of presents but fun to open them, and fun to watch kids open them. I got candles, slippers, candy, picture frame, ceramic mouse. Got most presents in L.A., including: scanner, Princess Bride and Jaws on DVD, Harry Potter stuff, singing Jaws (yes, one of those singing fish plaques) that's going in my bathroom.

This is my dad's concept for next year's Christmas card.

Gave everyone small things, plus tarot readings for the New Year.

December 26: "Second Christmas Day"
Almere

Day of doing nothing.

Fancy expensive dinner with more of my dad's family. Nice to see them all. I like Dad's side of the family better than Mom's. Maybe I know them better. Dinner was not spectacular food-wise (especially considering the price) but it was a fun time.

My sisters and I.

The restaurant was in Breukelyn (sp?), and I learned an interesting factoid. You probably know that New York used to be New Amsterdam, because the Dutch were the first settlers there. Harlem, New York was named after Haarlem, the Netherlands. What I didn't know was that there's this city called Breukelyn in Holland, and it gave its name to Brooklyn.

Also today: the birth of the concept of "ass perfume". Abby said that someone smelled like ass. I said, "Is she wearing ass perfume?" There was a pause. Abby said, "You know, that wasn't funny at all." I said, "No, it really wasn't." We cracked up. From now on, whenever anyone makes a joke that falls flat, it's called ass perfume. "What's that smell? Is it... ASS perfume?"

This may seem solipsistic right now, but trust me, it was funny at the time.

"Speaking of Dutchlish, I’m wondering if anyone can answer this. When you grow up, like me, speaking two languages, how do you learn to differentiate one from the other?"