I think the real reason I was so pissy at work on Wednesday is because of this phenomenon. I am once again feeling overwhelmed with my life.

This has happened before, when I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day, and I start to resent any and all demands on my time. I think I used to take this out on Matt. These days, I'm taking it out on my job. But it's still the same feeling: that too many balls are in the air, that something's gotta give...

I actually had a good day at work today, despite the fact that I worked an eight hour closing shift. But I made sure to keep myself busy all day, in contrast to Wednesday, when I tried to do as little work as possible. You know, that really never works. The day just inches by when you spend it trying to be lazy. I just filled the day with tasks today, and it really flew by.

Also, I had something to look forward to: the divine Eleanor came by my work, and we finally had our night of sushi and Spinal Tap. Which involved neither sushi nor Spinal Tap, but that really doesn't matter. It involved Chianti and cigarettes (yeah, I know, I don't smoke) and girl talk and barbecue sauce.

It was a night of bonding with a new friend, and it was badly needed, and I hope we do it again soon.

Something has snapped. I realize I absolutely have to reprioritize friendship in my life. I have been a shitty friend recently, reveling in my solitude and forgoing social opportunities in favor of hanging out at home with my birds and my DVD player. And yet, my friends are way important to me. They always have been.

There are people (like Mar and one of my co-workers and my roommates for chrissake) that I keep meaning to get together with, and planning to see, and it doesn't happen, and it's so frustrating. Then there are all my friends in Los Angeles, who I almost never talk to. Despite the fact that Bruce is nursing a broken heart, I haven't called him to see how he's doing. I haven't talked to Katie in ages. I haven't spoken to Max since before I moved.

I can name every single one of my friends, and then give you an example of how I've been failing them recently. (Except maybe Tim, who really doesn't put any pressure on me, and who I talked to the other night. But as always, he is exceptional. And I miss him like fucking hell, if that counts.) The point is, I've been slacking on the vast majority of my friendships.

Not only that, I really, really want to make new friends in the Bay Area. Tonight with Eleanor was hopefully the start of one meaningful friendship, but it's clearly just the tip of the iceberg. I want to spend more time with my school friends, and maybe do something other than hang out in bars. I want to cultivate work friendships. I want to get together with the Mills poetry contingent, and get to know some of them, too.

Another thing is that Laurie's sister, who lives in Sacramento, is moving to Las Vegas very soon. This means that Laurie will be around on the weekends, which she used to spend in Sacramento. As her roommate said, she's now "really alone in this city." I want to offset some of her loneliness, and of course spend time with her for her own sake. I'd like get to know her a little deeper.

That goes for Joey, too. I love my girls, and yet we only see each other in certain contexts. I'd like to spend some just hanging out, wandering around the city, shopping, drinking sodas, or lounging on each other's bedroom floors.

Another important aspect of it is this: I need to start spending more time going places in the area. I won't be living here in five years, I can almost guarantee you that. I need to make the most of my time while I'm here, and experience the various neighborhoods, and museums, and what have you. Eleanor and I went to a hecka cute pub tonight (it's like, someone's house, converted into a pub) and it reminded me of how much stuff is right down the street from me (much less in the greater Bay Area) that I haven't seen, often because I haven't had anyone to see it with.

At the same time, it's not like I'm lonely or sad, being by myself. I require a lot of solitary time, probably more than most people. And I've been spoiled recently. A delicate balance must be maintained between all this friendship-activity and the all important mo time.

So, I have a new resolution. I resolve to maintain my long standing friendships and cultivate new ones. I resolve to answer e-mail at a reasonable rate and to return phone calls. I resolve to have long conversations with my friends once in a while. I resolve to make plans and not flake on them. And I resolve to do all of this while still being a responsible student, a prolific writer, an entertaining journaler and a happy camper.

Man, I need to be able to put my palms together and stop time. That's totally my superpower. That's the one I want. Ever since I was a fan of Out of this World, back in the day, I have gone through life thinking of how handy it would be if I could stop time.

Like right now, so I could freaking sleep for fifteen hours straight.

"Gemini--You look good! But what the hell are you wearing?"