But school has been canceled, and I can't concentrate on anything except the surreal horror of today's terrorist attack. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe, to drink, to eat. To think.

I was awakened by a voice on my answering machine. "Mo, it's Tim. Pick up the phone, like NOW. Seriously. Pick up the phone." It was about 7:30 or so. I don't normally wake up quickly, but I sat straight up when I heard the tone of his voice. It wasn't panic, it was more, "I am NOT fucking around right now. You MUST pick up the phone." When you hear a friend talking like that, you don't waste time shaking yourself awake. You pick up the damn phone.

"There's been a terrorist attack. You know the World Trade Center? It DOESN'T EXIST anymore. Turn on your TV."

And then I was squinting my eyes, staring at the TV with blurry vision, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. It looked like a special effects scene from a movie. And being half asleep didn't help matters any. I thought I was dreaming. I sure didn't feel awake.

We stayed on the phone for a while, saying who knows what. "Oh my God," and "Holy shit," and, "How could this happen?" and other stuff along those lines. Then we were silent, each staring at our own television, as the horror of what happened began to sink in. Hijackers? Explosions? The skyline of Manhattan, collapsed?

This was one of those "Where were you when...?" moments-- one of the most important such moments of my lifetime, I'm sure.

It took a couple of hours for the sick realization to hit me: Joey was supposed to be traveling today. She was due back in the city sometime today. I called Tim back and told him this, and he said, "I just heard that one of the flights that crashed was Newark to SFO." I said, "Are you serious?" although I knew that he wouldn't joke about that. What I really meant was, "Are you sure?" He was sure.

The other line clicked, and it was Laurie. It was then that I went completely hysterical, crying and trying to tell her that Joey might have been on that plane. Putting a face to the victims-- I don't know what it says about human nature, but it causes it to hit home in a way that nothing else does.

(Later in the day-- much later-- I was to find out that Joey was still in New Jersey, safe. Laurie calmed me down initially by telling me that Joey was supposed to get into the city later in the day, possibly even the evening. Thankfully, that turned out to be the case.)

I dread hearing the stories of this tragedy. The ones I have heard already are horrifying enough. I heard one guy talk about running down the stairs of the World Trade Center while the firefighters were running up. Every one of those firefighters was trapped in the building when it collapsed.

I heard that at least two people called their loved ones from planes that were being hijacked. Can you imagine making one of those phone calls? Can you imagine receiving one? What do you say, at a moment like that? What do you feel?

None of the faces will be Joey's, but there will be faces to put with this tragedy soon enough. I feel the same way you do, today. The same way everybody does. Shocked. Sad. Amazed. Afraid. Confused. Stunned. Proud of the people who are out there, pulling together, helping each other.

I can't wrap my mind around it yet, not really. All I can do is watch the news, and try to comprehend, and keep breathing.

None.