Of course to be fair, I did work a long shift immediately before my ride. But I was really glad I didn't have to get up for work at nine, like I do on every other Saturday. I was wiped out. I went out for that sushi, and then I came home and watched AbFab. (Joey has the DVD and loaned it to me-- it has commentary and everything! I must have it.)

Then I took a two hour shower. I have all these bottles sitting on a shelf in my shower, and I kept looking through them to see what else I could use. By the time I got out, I had done a face mask, a foot scrub, and god knows what all. I smelled like pear (soap), peach (shampoo), wild berry (armpits and legs), apricot-walnut (elbows, feet and knees), lemongrass sage (lotion) and some other stuff (some other places).

I sank into my bed, clean and content, and slept until two in the afternoon. I think I fell asleep at one or something. I must have slept for almost 12 hours. I left my alarm clock off and even used earplugs so the birds wouldn't wake me up. I was like, damnit, I am going to sleep as long as my body wants me to.

It was really, really nice.

I'm a little concerned that I'm still not ready to ride 20 miles. I guess instead of going 25 miles next week (as per the schedule) I'll do 20 again. Only I'll do it on a day I have off, so I can really see what's going on. I'm still trying to find the right cocktail of calories, hydration, sleep, activity, training, etc. So many factors. It's all so confusing.

I woke up today and decided to clean a little bit. I sort of got on a roll, cleaned my whole place and vacuumed. It looks nice. The only problem is that the vacuum kinda sucks. (But Mo, all vacuums suck!) It only picks up 75% of the crap that's on the floor so I have to get down on the floor and use the hose part to pick up each feather and piece of birdseed individually.

My bedroom isn't big, but that is still annoying. I wonder how much a decent vacuum would cost? I am sure the answer is "more money that I have" since I only have $15 right now. (Tomorrow, I have to decide whether to spend that $15 on a movie or a haircut. I am so over my hair right now, but I want to see Amelie, or Monsters Ball or A Beautiful Mind and have popcorn. It's a dilemma.)

I guess I just have to hope that my roommates decide they want a vacuum that actually works. What about those ones on the infomercials that pick up bowling balls and stuff? That's the one I want. I want to be able to hold it up and have it suck my parakeets against the bars of their cage. Because that would be a hell of a vacuum, and also funny.

Where was I? This is just the most rambling entry on earth. But hey, I need to write every day! It's kinda fun in its own way. (I just got off work. I need to make my own fun here.)

So after I cleaned my bathroom and room and stuff, I went to work. I had a closing shift tonight-- my schedule for this week was sort of a Frankenstein schedule of little shifts here and there at random times. I get tomorrow off; it's quite exciting.

Work was interesting. I work with one guy (Bert) who drives me crazy, and we sort of got into it today. High drama that really doesn't make for an interesting story. He told me he would make some drinks and then disappeared, so I had to abandon a bunch of customers in the middle of a transaction to go make some drinks, and I was pissed. He also accused me of not working very hard, but of course he is totally slow and lazy and smoking crack if he thinks I am the one who doesn't work.

We don't get along. Does it show?

At the end of the night, we all got into an interesting conversation. Jenna was saying that in her opinion, very intellectual people who don't believe in God are just egotists who don't want to give a higher power any credit for helping them to achieve whatever they've achieved in life.

I disagreed, of course, and told her that there are plenty of other reasons to be an atheist. You could just feel that the existence of God hasn't been proven, so there's no real basis for belief. (Counterexample, thy name is Tim.) Or maybe you just feel that the existence of evil is not compatible with a belief in God. Egotism has nothing to do with it.

I consider myself intellectual and an agnostic. I don't give God the credit for helping me to achieve anything, but I do credit luck. I was lucky to be born with a certain amount of native intelligence, into a good family, in a country with a lot of opportunity. If you want to call that luck "God," more power to you, but don't call me an egotist. You know?

Jenna said she'd have to think some more about it. Part of her issue is that her boyfriend is an atheist. I can't believe he hasn't blasted her argument already.

Then we started talking about independence. I was talking about the benefits of a relationship where both people are independent of each other and have a lot of personal space, in addition to being a couple.

Bert was saying that if you have a kid together (he recently had a kid) things are different and you want to "become one" or something. Again, I think he was just bringing up his own situation-- he wants to commit to his baby's mother now that the baby exists, which isn't the same thing at all. I'm all for commitment, just not for sublimation of your personality.

I said that if I ever have a kid, it would be because my partner really wanted one, and he would probably have to be the primary caregiver. Which may make me sound totally cold hearted, but I think it's true. I'm too attached to being my own person and having a lot of time to myself. I can see myself being with someone as independent as I am, and I probably wouldn't have kids with someone like that.

If I met someone who wanted kids, I would be willing to have them, but I refuse to be roped into this "taking care of a kid 24/7" role just because I'm a woman. (Just my personal choice, here, I'm not judging anyone else.) I'm realistic about my own selfishness.

Admittedly, I can rationalize this all I want, but life may have other things in store for me. And sure, if I have a kid, I might feel differently. Having a child is a choice, however (at least until Dubya starts appointing some new Supreme Court justices) and there's no reason I need to go into it with closed eyes.

ANYway, that was our conversation. More thought provoking than the usual Starbucks shift, that's for sure.

By the time we were done, it was raining like hell. I had a bag full of pastries (cookies for my roommates, a chocolate croissant for me) a nifty new thermos (some customer returned it because it "leaks" so we marked it out, but you basically have to hold it upside down and shake it really hard and step on it to make it leak, so my assistant manager said I should take it, and I did, and it's like a thirty dollar thermos and it's really nice, and can you tell I'm excited?) some bottled water, some cream cheese, and a book of poetry.

I ran to my car and got soaking wet. I had an apron that I could have put over my head, but I made sure my poetry and my pastries were covered instead. "Protect the poetry! Save the croissant! Shelter the cream cheese!"

And that brings us up to date. I'm watching SNL, instant messaging Bruce who is very drunk and pondering macaroni and cheese. I hate mostly crap today, but I still have enough calories in my budget for mac and cheese. (1400-1500 calories, in case you're interested. I promise not to mention it again.)

And now this entry is over. Which reminds me of the entry about writing I have to do, since it's all about endings. But this entry is long enough. Maybe tomorrow.

"Man, I need to be able to put my palms together and stop time. That's totally my superpower."