I don't even know what to do with myself. Oh wait, I really do. Pay bills, talk to friends, laundry, write my final Shakespeare paper, make chapbooks, bike ride, clean, errands, watch movies, catch up on email, play the Sims, clean out my nightmare of a closet, and blessed sleep! All the bits of my life that have been piling up in corners and collecting dust.

Everything has been on hold for the past few weeks while I've been doing schoolwork and working these new hours and putting energy into this new relationship. At last I can breathe again.

And it just occurred to me that summer is here. Which means that once I catch up, there is a good chance that I will stay caught up. Wow. This could very well rule.

Random happy things.

I got another poem acceptance, from a magazine called Wavelength.

My manager wants me to organize weekly open mics at our store. She got the idea because one of my co-workers (the chapbook artist) came to my poetry reading and reported back how much fun he had. She thought, perhaps we can have that kind of fun every week at good old Starbucks! I'm brainstorming right now.

I am going to be the subject of a photo shoot tomorrow. Involving an actual hair and makeup artist, and a studio, and a professional photographer. How wild is that? The photo shoot is near my school, so I promised Ian that if I get all whored up, I will definitely stop by and show him what they did to me.

I had the best time with my little sister. She came to the reading with me, and to prom, and let me bring a drunk boy home with me. She showed me the movie she starred in, in which she played a fluffer. The movie itself would have been much better if it had included a plot, but she was absolutely hilarious, and her hot dog dance at the end makes me pee in my pants. I've already watched it five times.

We went to SFMOMA and saw some interesting art. Museums refresh the soul, they really do. We also went to see Panic Room which was very, very good! Like all of David Fincher's movies, really.

I bought a T-shirt in the Castro. (When you're with Abby, you shop. That's all there is to it.) I chose an XL, hoping that my boobies would fit into it. As it turns out, it's way too big. I get to go trade it in for an L. When was the last time I fit into an L?

I finally got to see last week's Buffy. Disturbing, but good. I cannot wait to see Willow go all badass on Warren. I so cannot wait for that.

Here's what happened yesterday. We were up on the roof at Fisher's house, me and Fisher and his neighbors and Ian. Ian and Fisher playing guitar. We just finished a barbecue; we were drinking red wine. The sun was setting, the sky full of broken clouds dipped in pink-orange.

Ian's grandfather was taken off life support yesterday. And I looked at the sunset, and thought about this man I have never met, dying 3000 miles away, and I thought about my grandmother, who died while I held her hand. It gave me goosebumps, but it didn't make me sad. The wine, the boy, and that amazing sunset.... it was a moment of duende.

I turned to Fisher and said, "You know, we're poets... but the way this sunset makes me feel... I'll never be able to explain it in words. It's what we do, but I can't do it."

He just nodded. And in silence, we watched the sunset fade.

"I can't really define the dalliance for you at this moment. (I'd prefer to phrase it with a bit more couth than Buddy, who said tonight: 'So... you guys are fucking, right?')"