Or... it could be just me.

I usually restrict my thoughts on TV shows to the sidebar, but great googly moogly, I just finished watching the Buffy season finale, and I just have to say, how amazing was that? (Below text whited out for those of you who may have missed it.)

As you may gather from paragraph one of this entry, when I sat down to watch Buffy I was already emotionally twittery. And then came the moment when that green ball of light got thrown across the room, and it was GILES! GILES! GILES! Well forget it. I was instantly turned into a pool of mushy goo.

I loved his moments with Buffy and Anya and then when I thought he was going to die (and I'm not spoiled, I really wasn't sure if he would) I was all, "NoooooooOooooOOOOooooooo! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" And then he didn't die, and I was all, "YaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAy!" (Articulate, aren't I?)

Willow made an excellent Big Bad, the scariest one ever. I loved how Xander saved the day, the yellow crayon and everything. Watching Dawn and Buffy fight back to back absolutely ruled. Buffy's speech about wanting to show Dawn the world (instead of protecting her from it) was perfect. I think Spike getting his soul back is really, really interesting and I can't wait to see how it plays out. I am so glad I stopped reading spoilers, because I loved being surprised.

And GILES came back! GILES! GILES! GILES!

My hair length always varies, and my hair has been far too short for "mental patient loops" for a while now. But while I was getting ready for work today, I discovered that my hair is just the right length for "Mickey Mouse ears" instead!

I walked around all day with this hairstyle and it made me terribly happy.

Taking pretty webcam pictures of myself makes me terribly happy also. Look at you. You know you want to kiss me.

I am very flighty in the head, you know. It is a flaw of mine, I think. And it is interfering with my desire to reconnect with people, now that school is over. To return phone calls. To be a better friend.

(Really, I just get overwhelmed with the number of people I want to talk to/spend time with. Kellie. EllieBee. Megan. Leah and Jane. Katie. Charlotte. Bruce. Bruno. Tim. Corina. Jen. Joey, Laurie, Matthew, Max, AbbyLucyTokerAsh, MelissaProbstKrystynEricIanblahblahblahblahaaaaaaaaaaaah! Fzzzzt. Brain on overload. I'm sure I forgot half the people I am thinking of. )

What I really want to do is try and be a good listener for people. I used to be a great listener, until I started feeling like I was always putting myself second. So I started putting myself first, and I will go out on a limb here and say that I took this maybe a little too close to the Ayn Rand extreme, and stopped valuing that part of myself.

Knowing Ian reminds me that what I really want to be is a kind person. He may have frustrating qualities (see first paragraph some more) but he is infallibly kind and sweet hearted. It's something I admire. Since I met him, I've started releasing spiders instead of killing them. I've stopped eating meat.

A long time ago, somebody told me that I had the gift of making people feel comfortable and special and good about themselves, which made them willing to open up and share their feelings. It's a great compliment. I'd like to start living up to it more.

I used to want to be a therapist, did I ever tell you that? And then I abandoned that aspiration, and became more of a misanthrope. It's what I needed, I guess, but I don't think I need it so much anymore. I feel full of love and I want to somehow show that love to my friends.

Man, that sounded like tree-hugging hippie crap. Does this even make any sense? Oh well. Just something I'm thinking about.

Tonight, some woman came in and ordered a breve mocha. For those of you not in the know, a breve mocha is made with half and half instead of milk. Basically double the fat and calories of a regular mocha and there you have it.

The barista asked her if she wanted whipped cream, and she said, "Oh, do you have lite whipped cream?" I'm not often confused by people's tastes, but I cannot understand the mentality of this woman who would order a heart attack in a cup and then be concerned about the calorie content of her whipped cream. Ya feel me?

Tonight was wonderfully kick back at work, mostly because I didn't have to do any supervisory stuff. There was another supervisor on duty, and he took care of running the floor, and I just kicked back and did my regular job. We sang "Hakuna Matata" while we cleaned the store. It was very low stress.

After getting my tips yesterday, I went to the supermarket with my very long list of things I needed to buy. Food, makeup, Woolite, moisturizer, batteries, an emergency flashlight, baby powder, stuff like that. I spent $75, not sure how that happened. (No, I didn't get $75 in tips. I had to credit card it, damn it!)

I cannot wait until my credit cards are paid off. I can't wait until I can buy fucking Woolite when I need it. I think I am tired of the grad school lifestyle. I am tired of having no money.

And I was disappointed to learn that I won't be getting a raise until September. It occurs to me that I won't be in school full time next semester. I think it might be time to look for a grownup job. Hmmmm. I could never give up my minion job completely, though. I really do have fun at work. Strange, but true.

I realized also that I am very free right now. Until I actually have my degree, I probably can't get a teaching job. (Although I am looking.) So I have nine months or so until the teaching job hunt really starts heating up. And in the meantime, I could do almost anything. I could be an accountant. I could be a phone sex operator. I could move to Idaho. I could fly to Spain.

They call it overchoice, when you have so many options to choose from that you become somewhat paralyzed with indecision. I think I may be suffering from overchoice at the moment.

"In the interest of not being afraid to talk about this sort of thing, I bought some lube. Which is probably an overshare, but what the hell. If I keep talking about boring stuff like capri pants, nobody will ever read the journal again. May as well talk about my new bottle of 'Slippery Stuff' lube."