I was going to write a hidden entry, purging my soul of all boy-related issues with abandon, but I don't feel so much like it anymore.

Here's what the optimistic part of me says: I am happy to be emotionally available; I have a million buckets of love at the ready, and that's a good feeling. For a long time, there was this little enclave of my heart that nobody could get to, but that enclave is now open to the public, and that's a good feeling too. It was time.

This particular situation may be going Less Than Well, and I may be temporarily miserable and insecure, but there are other fish in the sea. Theoretically.

I loathe this week's work schedule, I seriously do. On the other hand, work today was extremely low stress and fun, right up until the part where one of my co-workers jumped out of the walk-in refrigerator after we closed ("Hey!") and made me scream like a little girl.

But I loathe, loathe, loathe this schedule. Every night this week, I am closing. I come home at ten or eleven, do some laundry, start catching up on email, and then I get tired and start pondering sleep. Like I am doing right now.

Lucky thing I love my journal so much. It never seems to fall by the wayside, even when it probably should.

Friday, finally, I have a day off. It feels like my first day of summer vacation, a day I can do anything with.

I really need to do boring stuff like errands, bill paying and filing. Woo hoo, being a grownup is fun. Job applications are going to start going out as well. More long-shot teaching applications, as well as short term jobs that actually pay me real money.

Looking for jobs is tedious though. And did I mention my printer decided to stop working? Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Oh wait, I think it might be that my webcam is using the USB cable instead. Nevermind. I'm a dork.

[Later....]

I just heard that I need to clean out my closet-- which is quite the project, believe me. Apparently the carpet in there needs to be removed, or some such thing. Which is fine, except, sigh. There goes my day off. My "first day of summer vacation" mentioned above. And I was so happy there, for a minute.

I know the day isn't completely shot. It's just that I consider a "day off" to be a day when I can do whatever the hell I want. Friday no longer qualifies.

And I got next week's schedule, and I'm closing five days again, including Saturday. Why? Why? Why? Why?

On the plus side, Megan and I got Mamma Mia tickets today. On the minus side, everything else. I think I have to go now. I'm starting to feel morose.

"I love the way he writes, just randomly throwing information in as it occurs to him. It's automatic writing at its finest. "