Usually, it's somewhat of a relief-- since I love my alone-time and all. And yet, I don't know why, today it feels weird to be here. Just me and Phoebe and a pile of Christmas presents, and everything exactly as I left it in 2002. No cat, no hamsters, no Abby and Ash. Too quiet.

I had a fabulous vacation, just fabulous. I saw many (though not all) of my friends, saw about a million movies, ate way too much good food, and paid for my Vegas vacation by winning lots of money (well, at least a couple hundred) in Sin City. I have a bunch of pictures floating around somewhere, and I'll make a vacation entry sometime soon.

While I was gone, I completely ignored my real life. My thesis was on hold, which it really should not have been, since I need to get it signed off on before the deadline, which is on January mmprphth. (Note to self: find out deadline.) I forgot to renew my library books. I am cutting it close with my car payment and may have to shell out $10 or something to pay over the phone, unless this online bill pay thing works out. I never picked up my bike, nor did I even call them to say, "Hey, don't sell my bike."

In short, I was a big fat slacker for the past two weeks. It didn't suck.

I did have waiting for me two happy things: an acceptance letter from a magazine called Nerve Cowboy, which is publishing one of my Van Gogh poems, and a copy of Wavelength containing one of my other poems. I also got a bunch of holiday cards, and an equal bunch of bills. Since I won money in Vegas (where, of course, I expected to lose) I will be able to pay all of my bills right away. This is very auspicious.

I don't mind admitting, I'm a little bit afraid of the new year. I have no idea where I'll be at the end of it. Or in the middle of it. The beginning of it is a little shady as well. I have some resolutions, ideas, and plans, though. Let me regale you with a list.

1. Ride at least 600 miles this year. Despite my grand total miles ridden of 0 in the past two weeks, I remain committed. In fact, I would like to buy myself some new road bike tires. It's been almost a year since I first got Britney, and I've discovered that Life With Exercise is much better than Life Without Exercise.

2. Lose weight. It's so cliché, the "lose weight" resolution. It's such a cliché that pointing it out is also a cliché. I think I will now shut up about it. (I will, however, attempt to do it.)

3. Look for a job. Ideally, as a college teacher. Less ideally-- well, that could be anything, and that prospect is a bit frightening, so let's stick with the ideal for now. I am going to cut myself a little slack on this, and not expect to get a job instantly or to get my shit together instantly. But by February, I need to have applications going out hither and yon.

4. Move into a grownup place. I am done living like a college student. I mean, done. I don't care what I have to do, but I am going to live in a place with fucking windows for a change. I don't know how I will do this with no money, but I am hoping that somehow things will fall into place.

5. Take a vacation. I promised myself a post-grad school vacation, and I am damn well going to take it. While I was in Los Angeles, I read an absolutely wonderful (non-fiction) book which I can't recommend more highly, The Wives of Henry VIII. It occurred to me that I could go to England for a vacation, and see things like Westminster Abbey, and the Tower of London, and the Globe Theater. I decided that this would be where I'd go. Well that was easy.

The fam is all going to Holland in August, and we were tossing around the idea ("we" being the girls-- Abby, Ash, and Lucy) of spending a week there, and three weeks in other places. Katie tells me that August is a terribly expensive time to travel, and that September would be much better. My current plan (which I still need to run by the girls) is to spend a week in Holland, then two weeks in England. Maybe a week with them, a week on my own-- we'll see.

I already bought myself a Britain travel book. Maybe I don't know where I'm going to live or what I'm going to be when I grow up, but damnit, I know where I'm going on a vacation.

6. Be a nicer person. I know this is probably the vaguest resolution ever, but there you have it.

I can't help thinking I had some more resolutions in there somewhere, but I've already forgotten them all. Oh--

7. Make a big push to get my work published. There's going to be a submission wave in January that will make you gasp with amazement. The debut of a brand new system that will be even more organized and even more effective at bringing me fame and fortune. Or at least, it will be something to do while I wait for those letters of recommendation to start rolling in.

8. Go to bed earlier. Get up earlier. Figure out how to avoid oversleeping. Don't oversleep.

I wish I could magically turn myself into a morning person. That would be swell, but it ain't happening. As it is, I would just like to know that I will never oversleep again. I hate oversleeping; I hate being late to things; most of all I hate mornings.

I suppose that's it for the resolutions. Kind of anticlimactic but I am confused anyway. Oh, did I mention I cut my hair? I cut my hair, as you will shortly see in all the vacation pictures I have. It's not that much shorter than last time, but it's shorter than it's been in many years, so people have been reacting dramatically, which is fun. Too bad I didn't get a chance to dye it blonde before I left. That would have been drama.

Okay, I figured I'd write this entry and straighten out my brain, but that isn't working. I think I need some ginko biloba, or whatever you take when you have ADD. What happened to the world of possibility that 2003 seemed to promise? Already, it seems to be slipping away. Come back here, 2003. It's only January. I'm not done with you yet.