I know it sounds all athletic and impressive, but let me assure you that physically, I am done for. One of my thighs is so sore that I'm walking with a limp. I have a swollen lip from being whacked in the face with a paddle. I have a weird splotchy sunburn on my back. My new piercing is on the verge of making its way right through my nose. (Next time we're going to do rafting first, and piercing second.)

But. My shoulders and neck have lost all their tension. I am mentally more relaxed than I have been in ages. I went skinny dipping at midnight and slept under the stars. Didn't get a single bug bite, which feels like an accomplishment. I ate lobster tail and smores; drank margaritas and wine coolers. Played dominos, Trivial Pursuit, and cards. Made eight thousand new friends. Spent hot days rafting down the cool river. Didn't worry about how I looked in a bathing suit. Didn't look at my watch once.

Bruce was the one who invited me on this trip-- something to do with someone he was dating backing out, I'm not quite sure. (One of his friends, a girl he used to work with, organized the event.) But he very generously let me come along. Even though I was mildly apprehensive about the whole thing and afraid I would be dashed against the rocks. Bruce knows what's good for me, though!

He came up on Thursday and we hung out doing random friend things. We had sushi and watched Spirited Away, and went shopping on Telegraph Avenue. That's when I decided, randomly, to get my nose pierced. How spontaneous!

Bruce came with me for "moral support," which consisted of glancing over at the needle going through my nose and writhing in agony. It really didn't hurt all that much, but watching Bruce cringe and squirm his way through the whole thing made me think it must be really scary-looking! Maybe I should be feeling more pain! Fortunately the whole process was only a minute long, maximum. Then we gave Bruce a cookie and some smelling salts.

At the moment it's a little worse for the wear, but still cute. (I tried to take a picture but it is too teensy! So teensy! I have some new freckles on my nose that completely eclipse it.) I will be happy when it heals a little, learns to stay in one place, and stops making me feel like I need to sneeze.

We spent Friday morning shopping at Target and packing for our trip. Then we headed north, and watched the thermometer on his car creep up from a nice balmy 73 degrees at my house to 110 in Sacramento, then back down to 105 or some ridiculous thing when we finally arrived at the campsite. (The weather stayed hot all weekend, but it was perfect-- the cold river water was wonderful and refreshing, and it was ideal weather for sleeping outside.)

I have lots of pictures, but they are all still in my waterproof camera. It's all such a jumble in my head, I wish I had them!

The campsite itself was gorgeous. Our group (there were 30 or so of us) had a large grassy area right on the riverbank, with lots of shady trees and wild blackberry bushes. (At one point I had a few boys searching out the best blackberries for me to eat. I don't think they actually fed them to me, but can we pretend they did?)

Our rafting company fed us great meals. I forget what we had that first night, but I'm sure it was good. Over the course of the weekend we had everything from tri-tip roast to granola and fresh fruit. And we didn't have to cook anything! It was luxury camping. Low-impact camping. Camping for wusses.

That first night, a big group of us went out for barbecue and margaritas. After a few margaritas, I made the mistake of announcing (to the entire table) my goals for the weekend, including skinny dipping. I explained my list of escapades and everything. "So the skinny dipping," said the guy next to me. "What time is that happening?"

"Is an audience on your list?" asked one woman. "Because I think you're going to have one."

I did drag Bruce out on the lake at midnight or so. He didn't make it in any farther than his ankles because the water was so cold. I was determined to do it and not wimp out, because it was the perfect opportunity to cross it off my list! But I must confess that after I was naked and in the water, I was very quickly back in my bathing suit and standing on shore. That water was fucking freezing.

Quotes: "Oh those boobies. Uh... would you look at that sky! I think that's the Santa Claus constellation right up there!" "Don't look, or you're going to see my vagina. It's going to do a monologue." "That water's so cold. I'm going to have a mangina." "So, did you do it? Did you go skinny dipping?" "Yep." "How was it?" "Cold! Her nipples could cut glass!" "Yes, that's what I was doing. I found some glass out on the river and cut it with my nipples." "You should add that to your list!"

Then I made Bruce do another one of my escapades (what a trouper) and sleep on sleeping bags underneath the stars instead of in a tent like everyone else. People looked at us funny but we lit the anti-bug candle and sprayed ourselves down with bug spray, and settled on our tarp. I don't know why more people didn't do it, because unlike the skinny dipping (which wasn't the most transcendent of experiences) that sky was astonishing.

We could see the milky way, and Mars, and shooting stars and satellites. We identified some constellations, such as Cat in Party Hat, Guy Jumping Up, and Weasel. Going to sleep under that sky was one of the coolest things I've ever done. I woke up in the middle of the night and opened my eyes to the blurry starry sky, and it took me a second to realize where I was, and it all came back in a rush. It was incredible.

I can't believe I haven't even mentioned the rafting yet! We lucked out and got the coolest guide on the river, a blonde girl we nicknamed Pippi because of her braids. She taught us how to maneuver the raft through the rapids, which (if I do say so myself) the six of us on our boat did very well. She did this neat trick where we all sat in the back of the boat and slid halfway up a rock, then slid down it backwards. We did donuts through some of the rapids, which was way cool. She encouraged us to ambush other boats in water fights, which we did throughout the weekend. And she got us through all the Class III rapids without flipping our boat over, unlike one of the other boats in our group!

I sat in the front of the boat, which meant that I got splashed and bounced around a whole lot, but once I got more brave, I decided I really liked it. I think the ride is better in the front of the raft, like a roller coaster! On the first day, I was so paranoid about falling out of the boat that I kept falling into the boat instead. There are some great pictures of me looking surprised as I pitch forward into the center of the raft. Repeatedly.

At one point I landed right on Bruce's fist, which is how I got my swollen lip. It's not so much a great war story. "Yeah, so I was rafting, on these incredible rapids, man, and then, right when we hit this huge wave... I screamed, and flung myself right into my friend's paddle!"

Day two, when we did a lot of the bigger and more technical rapids, I was a lot more confident. I stopped worrying so much about falling and leaned back a little more. I relaxed enough that I really enjoyed myself, even though the rapids themselves were a lot more intense, with names like "Meatgrinder" and "Troublemaker" and "Impending Death." (Maybe not that last one.) I know I'm not ready for the Class IV or anything, but I could do those rapids again, I bet.

I really need to wrap up this little summary since I have a seven-day, seventy hour workweek coming up, and I desperately need sleep. I left a lot of stuff out, but you can probably fill in the blanks from here. It was absolutely the perfect weekend, full of excitement and adventure and conquest and triumph and me totally not being able to climb in the boat that one time, and the pee sock, and the guides with the hot New Zealand accents, and everything!

I can't wait to do it again next year.