Jenn

Hey Jenn!

First off, don't be too hard on yourself; you've only had a blog for what, three weeks? I've been writing online since 1999, and I think at the three week mark, my notify list consisted of four e-mail addresses, all of which were mine. And I didn't even go read my own entries, because they sucked.

You need to give your baby weblog some time before you start worrying too much about readership. The first thing to do is get in the habit of writing, because you want to develop your own unique style that will keep people coming back. If your site is well written, it will attract an audience.

"Yeah, blah blah blah patiencecakes. But I want an oompa loompa now!" Okay then! The following are some tips for building an audience. With the caveat that really, I don't know what I'm talking about.

You can always try the tried-and-true method of making friends with other bloggers or supporting their sites. This can range from participating in message boards (where people will get to know you and your site), to joining collaborations* or webrings, to linking other bloggers you have something in common with.

(*I almost hate to suggest this, since many collaborations and memes are annoying for people to read, and if they see one, they will stay away from your site just on general principle. I know people who hate the Friday Five, and I personally find the Unconscious Mutterings so lacking in content that it drives me half-mad. And for the love of god, don't go crazy with the quiz results! What Lord of the Rings Character Are You? What Breakfast Cereal Are You? What Makes You Think Anyone Gives A Damn?**)

(**Then again, there are also people who love these types of things. If you are into it, you can find readers who are too! Mostly on Livejournal.)

Where was I? Oh right, links. I know I should pretend I am not like this, but I still get a thrill when someone links me and says something nice about me and thereby validates my existence and fragile sense of self-worth.*** And I found a good number of my regular reads because they linked me, and I followed the link back, and liked what I read!

(***I'm sort of kidding!)

You don't want to randomly write people and try to shamelessly get them to link to your site, because that's just tacky. I've gotten those e-mails before, for sure. But a post on your site that says, "Boy, I really like what so-and-so wrote today, and here's what I think about that topic..." Well, that will definitely get the attention of whomever you're linking, and if they visit your site and like it, you might get a public dialogue going, or even a permanent link.

Things that people also seem to enjoy:

• A story arc of some type. What's your "hook"? Do you work as a stripper? Are you an aspiring rap artist? Are you going to TV/VCR repair school? If there's a story to follow, people will keep coming back to see how it turns out.
• And while I'm on that subject, you should have a prominent link somewhere on your page that says, THIS IS MY DEAL so that the tiny internet attention span doesn't have to try too hard to find your story. (I realize I don't really have this, myself. But, uh, yeah. I'm bad at that. I try and coast on charm.)
• An exception to the "have a story" rule (and all these rules have exceptions, at least on my own reading radar): I also like tiny, enigmatic, mini-story, self-contained type journals. Where the entries are almost like poems. Armless does this best.
• I also sometimes like more laundry list, what-I-did-today journals. As long as there's good spelling, good grammar, and a distinct personality in the writing. Journals that don't strain themselves trying too hard, but there is something about the writer's life that makes me want to peek in regularly.
• Pictures of yourself and your pets and cute children are always fun! Take Rob as an example. His journal -- although compelling and well-written -- wouldn't be as winning without the pictures and graphics he includes. They give his site a lot of personality.
• Speaking of personality, it helps if your site has some! A unique design, a high concept, some kind of writerly hook -- you don't gotta have a gimmick, but it doesn't hurt.
• Funny writing and great writing. Ideally, writing that's funny and great. I mean, true, we can't all be Weetabix or Dooce or Jenfu or Mimi Smartypants. And god knows there are dozens of writers out there who try to emulate their writerly tics in transparent and rather unfortunate ways, such as footnotes using asterisks, which I totally ganked from Mimi Smartypants and I am very ashamed of myself. So don't try to be one of them, but if you have a spark of funny and great writing inside you somewhere, nurture!
• Some people prefer journals to blogs. They like back and next links; they like reading in chronological order. I think this is maybe something for you to consider: your site seems more leaning towards "journal" than "blog." (And there is a difference! Mr. Ointy is a blog. This thing right here, soon to be under new management with a new title, is a journal.) You might consider trying Diaryland or Diary-X. Just a thought, there.
• Get in a flame war with a popular journaler! You know, this used to be a great method of getting traffic**** but I can't remember the last time this happened -- not to mention that the popular journalers will see right through your ploy and not link you. So forget this one.

(****Not that I ever did this myself. I want everyone to LOVE ME! LOOOOVE MEEEE! Let's not fight, baby. Come here and tell me I'm yours. You're so pretty.)

• People love babies. Consider having a baby to increase your site traffic! [Edited to add, I am being flip here, and I see you have your own trying-for-a-baby issues. People can relate to that, though. People will want to know how it's going. Of course, this is IF you want to mine your personal pain for site traffic. Who are we kidding -- of course you do!*****]

(*****When mining your life for material, keep in mind that everyone you write about will eventually read what you write. This is true. Listen to Diane Patterson. The Internet is forever. Big Brother is watching. People have hard drives. Watch your back.)

• Go on Weight Watchers! (Note: you may have to make up a phony weight problem.) My site traffic has increased by 50% since I started Mr. Ointy. Part of that is possibly that I update it constantly, but the other part of it is that there's a story there, and a struggle, and its one that everyone can relate to. Who doesn't love a cookie? Anyone? I didn't think so.

I actually don't know how I, personally, got 600 people to join my notify list, and 1,000 people to come by and read me every day. I am not planning a wedding, I don't post cute pictures of my nonexistent baby, and I don't make you spit coffee out your nose due to my hilarity.

(Now everyone's all like, "Shit, she's right! What the hell am I doing reading this crap?" Unsubscribe, unsubscribe.)

But I update frequently; I write competently and I hope entertainingly; I know my way around a semicolon; and I'm not afraid to tell stories that make me look very stupid. Also, I have friends in high places, most of whom I've paid off at some point.******

(******I might be kidding about this as well!)

Ultimately what it's going to boil down to is your own personal style, how your writing appeals to people, and what niche you fall into as a result. Jenn, I've looked through your site. I think you are a solid writer with things to say, and a lot of potential. Just keep working on finding your voice, and the rest will follow.

Or in other words: Write it, and they will come.*******

(*******So much for originality. Did I mention you're very pretty?)