After going to a couple of garage sales, the room was re-christened (by Jen) the Aneurism Room. Because in addition to yellow and teal, I had added a blindingly orange table, a blue chair, a pink lamp, and soon, a picture of an Evil Gay Unicorn. I'm confident that in laboratory tests, this color combination has caused the spontaneous combustion of the cerebral cortexes of dozens of Norway rats and at least one Rhesus monkey.

Anyway, so then I went to IKEA on a scouting mission. I ended up coming home with round mirrors that stick to the wall, and a lamp that looks like a giant space-egg on a stick.

Then I added a do-it-yourself wall clock involving, again, sticking dots to the wall. (Did I mention that I am bad at sticking dots to the wall? It turns out that I am. The row of round mirrors slopes slightly upward, and the clock is arranged so that the dots are like 1:00, 2:00, 3:05, 7:42, next Thursday.) Then I renamed it the 1972 Porn Room.

I think the lime-green plastic martini table (on sale for 75% off, I might add) might be the most porn-like item of all--next to the mirrors. For the true 1970s porn flavor, I don't think you can compete with round mirrors glued to a wall. (Well, I guess I could get leopard-spotted pillowcases. With fur fringe. That might do it.)

As each successive act of interior design fails more spectacularly than the last, I have to wonder: is it possible for my own apartment to take out a restraining order against me?

And yet, as atrocious as you might think this room sounds, I absolutely am loving it. It is the first room I have ever "decorated" and it has a kitschy charm about it that makes me feel happy. I love curling up in my round chair, beneath my dot clock, and watching TV.

I know that doesn't exactly sound like I'm living the dream, but keep in mind that for a long time I had neither A) a chair, nor B) time to watch TV. I am living the dream!

Oh, and I've only fallen out of my chair once so far! That's pretty good, considering. (The bowl-part of the chair just sort of tipped to the side and dumped me out on the floor. Oops.)

The room still needs a few touches. In keeping with the theme of "round things," and in the interest of covering up the carpet--which is, in spite of my wishing very, very hard every night before I go to bed, still teal--I need to get a round rug. I could get this rug and really make heads explode, but I can't imagine that dog-rug in a porn movie, so I'll probably go with something in a plain, yet sufficiently obnoxious color.

I am also waiting for my poster print to arrive, and in the meantime I'd like to get a frame for it. (I would try to describe this print for you, but I am afraid it is indescribable. You'll have to wait and see.) I am thinking of something in a medium wood color. Keeping my eye out for those at garage sales.

(I've totally become a fan of garage sales. I got the chair for $10 and the orange table for $15. Even cheaper than IKEA, and I didn't have to put anything together. Which, as you may imagine, I am not so good at.) (In fact, just the other day I got a bookshelf for the Porn Room and put it together upside down. I salvaged it with paint.)

I also need to get a new cover for the papasan chair cushion. This is the part that scares everybody the most, because I'm going with... purple. (The light blue clashes because it's not bold or jewelly-enough. Dark purple is perfect. Trust me.) (Note: if I were you, I probably wouldn't trust me.)

By the time I'm done, the color scheme of the room will be yellow, teal, orange, pink, green and purple. And mirrors!

One thing that can be said for me: at least I'm better at interior decorating than I am at cooking.

Barely.