Since I am obsessed with my frog, I'll tell you about that. I got him from work, passed on from someone who could no longer keep him, complete with a tank and all the accoutrements. His name is Apple and he's a White's Tree Frog.

Currently I am less excited about the frog and more worried about him. He's currently living at work and he hates it here. Or he hates his terrarium. Or he hates the temperature. Or he hates his food, which is currently chirping at me as it has been all morning. Or he hates me. Or he hates being a frog.

I am very concerned with making my frog as happy as possible. And he's been sitting under the same piece of bark, turned a sullen brown color, for the past four days. He does not seem happy.

I've got a whole cadre of people who are helping me with the frog. One of my friends has helped me feed him. One of my other friends has helped save crickets from drowning and thrown out dead crickets. Ian (who now works a mere fifteen minute walk away) even found a place to buy (super-sized) crickets and put them in my cricket jar.

So when I said "helping me with the frog" I primarily mean "helping me with the crickets." (On my schedule today: "Observe jar full of crickets in an attempt to get over the fact that they are creepy.") But one of my friends is going to help me clean the tank today (with any luck, not setting Super-Size free in the process) and hold Apple and maybe make him a little more acclimated. I hope.

If he doesn't perk up by the end of the week, I am taking him home where I can stare at him and fret about him twenty-four hours a day. Perhaps I will wring my hands and weep over him dramatically.

Update:

Well, it is the end of the week, and I think I've made real progress on Operation Happy Frog. The first thing I did was clean out his tank. I picked him up and put him in a small plastic container. He wasn't overly thrilled with that and in fact tried to hop his way up my arm in a dramatic escape. But eventually we both simmered down and I got him into his container.

I got rid of the moss and bark on the bottom of the tank (and when I say "I," I mean my friend at work who is less intimidated by super-size crickets hiding in the moss) and replaced it with special terrarium Astroturf. I'm sure it's not as nice for a frog as moss, and I feel bad about that, but this way the tank is easier to clean and I can see exactly what's going on with the crickets-- if they are alive or dead and how much Apple is eating.

Speaking of the crickets, I've been feeding them green cubes of cricket goo, which keeps them alive and makes them more nutritious and also turns them radioactive so they glow in the dark and the frog can find them easily. (I am totally making up that last part.) I have also been "observing" them. I observe that they are creepy.

Anyway he got two crickets the other day, one of which disappeared quickly and the other of which disappeared overnight last night. This morning, I uncovered the tank and he was actually sticking his head out from underneath his favorite piece of bark. Hello, frog! I got brave enough to dump some crickets in. I watched one of them hop right in front of the piece of bark, and then I actually saw Apple leap forward, stuff the cricket into his mouth, and go back under the bark. I squealed because I was surprised, but it was also very exciting!

I have been covering him up at night and uncovering him with the UV light on during the day, and that's been working very well, temperature wise. I'm a little concerned about the weekend. I'll probably cover half of the tank, make sure he has a couple of crickets, and then that will be that. They do fine at room temperature, and the A/C isn't on over the weekend.

I still haven't managed to take a real picture of him yet. I took one, but it is sort of blurry and indistinct. I'm waiting until he mellows out somewhat.

Oh, and I also made a cd mix to thank my friends at work for helping me with the frog. It's called Froggystyle and it makes me happy. There are lots of frog and cricket and Apple songs on there. Everything from Bjork to Tex Ritter to weird Japanese pop. It's awesome.

Another thing I've been doing is attempting to write a "novel." I wrote 7,000 words in the first two days and haven't written any since then. (I think I am still ahead of my three other novel-writing friends in word count, however.) But in order to prove the "genius" of this incipient novel, I now present my current top ten sentences, in no particular order:

• Just then, a woman standing at the end of the table stood up.

• "I don't need my colon irrigated," I said crossly. "I need my sister's number."

• James Hale was known in the tabloids as James "Bond" Hale, because of his dashing, debonair quality and his reputation for on-set romance.

• I knew she was thinking of me when she and her personal shopper were hitting Rodeo Drive, and that meant something to me.

• I sipped my bottle of water in the back seat, feeling thirsty in spite of the fact that I was staring death in the face.

• It was surprising to see anyone with that much energy after all that guacamole last night.

• I tried to turn my body towards Reggie, but I was firmly locked into place in the tanning bed.

• I was glad I had dressed in my breathable linen outfit that made me feel like Katharine Hepburn in the African Queen.

• He still had those three gold teeth, which glinted charmingly in my direction.

• The idea of sitting in a dark cantina with a margarita and a plate of fajitas was not only a great subject for a rhyming poem, it also sounded tremendously appealing.