I took almost 500 pictures on the trip, but I am going to spare you from having to view all 500 of them. Aren't I nice?

The above was taken at the Magic Kingdom. In case you're unfamiliar with Disney World, there are four theme parks, a "downtown" shopping area, a bunch of resorts and a lot of waterways--all in an area the size of Manhattan. One of the four parks is called the Magic Kingdom, and they feature a lot of the classic Disney rides as seen in Disneyland.

The second park, and the site of many of my favorite Disney World memories, is Epcot. Now Epcot is known for being very cheesy and having a lot of stupid rides, like the Norway ride, which explains that Norway is all about Vikings, oil rigs, and trolls. Another ride is Ellen's Energy Napventure (it's really called "Ellen's Energy Adventure" but we all fell asleep).

But while we were there, an international Food and Wine festival was happening! We went to a seminar on German wines (did you know that Gewurztraminer accounts for less than 1% of Germany's white wine production? In fact, most Gewurztraminers are produced in Italy) and sampled amazing food and wine from all over the world.

Oh, also, they have a new ride called Mission: Space. It's a space exploration simulator ride that is so intense they actually have barf bags on the ride. And not just for show either. I feel like I dodged a bullet by going on it twice and throwing up zero times.

Also in Epcot, they feature a ride called "Impressions du France." Now I have never been on this ride, but we spent a lot of time making up our own "impressions." Like if you put your hands in a triangle above your head, it's an impression of "zee Eiffel Tower." Or if you curl up in a ball, it is an impression of "a pieeze of brie." (The bad French accent is mandatory.)

We discovered that doing an impression of "zee baguette" is the best way to find each other in a crowd.

Also, Epcot is where we "went on" the Living Seas "ride." There used to be a ride there, or so I am told. Right now there is an elevator that makes you think you're going on a ride, but then there's no ride.

Oh, you may be wondering, "Who the hell are these people?" Well Bruce is the one who put the trip together. Aside from me and Ian, there was one fag hag and a bunch of gay men, all really great guys. Two of the guys work for Disneyland, so that's how we were able to afford to go. (I have no idea how a family of six manages to go to Disney World without going totally broke.)

The third theme park is called Animal Kingdom. There's really not a whole lot to do there, except hope to see some crocodiles. (My theory is that if you are in Florida and you don't see crocodiles, something is missing.)

The fourth theme park is MGM Studios, featuring the least exciting backlot tour ever. (The low point was when they pointed out a prop car from The Gun In Betty Lou's Handbag. Seriously.) But they do have two of the best rides anywhere, ever: the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror...

...and the Rock n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith. (Yeah "starring"? I don't know. But they sing "love on a roller coaster" and you have to love that.) There's a little video beforehand, where Stephen Tyler invites you to "come to the show" with them. And he does this hand gesture that we adopted, because we want to be rock stars too.

I also want to show you a couple of pictures of the food. We went to an all-you-can-eat Polynesian buffet that was divine. We were all stuffed after eating the main courses, and Russ uttered the famous words: "Is dessert mandatory?" Then they put down a pineapple with caramel dipping sauce and he uttered the even more famous words: "Is it okay if I double-dip?"

The other highlight was the bluezoo restaurant. We took pictures of all our food, but I will just show you the dessert. It was sort of a sampler of delights.

Another highlight of the trip was on our last day. There was a plan to go to a Universal theme park but I was theme parked out and decided I would rather rent little speedboats, and that's what everyone ended up doing. We rented seven speedboats and raced all over, doing donuts, jumping each other's wakes, and swerving around the water like we were in Miami Vice. Those little suckers go fast!

There were tons of crazy inside jokes and laughter and fun, and apart from a little bit of diva behavior, everyone got along great. We got a bunch of insider information, we got to ride Space Mountain twice in a row, and we all cried at the "America" ride. Oh, and we got to pretend we were pirates. No better way to escape the pain of election week than to have a vacation at the Happiest Place on Earth, right?