Last week (no, I have not had the chance to update since last week) I maintained my weight. Which means that when they say "eat at the top of your range and lose!" they are making big, big, fake, fake lies. Or all the exercise (including the new "anaerobic" thing) means that I was building some muscle instead. That could be possible. But I pretty much feel maintain-y. Which is good, since I have once again lost my mojo. Yuck.

There's some psychological blockade at work here. Like 20 pounds is a freaky number, so part of me wants to gain it all back or... I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. But I have been SO stressed and SO miserable and SO tired lately, I should look on the bright side that I have been doing okay, and my tight jeans are starting to fit me.

I wonder if I have enough points left for a beer. I need a goddamn beer.


- posted by mo @ 11:12 PM

 
They say that even if you eat at the top of your point range, you will still lose weight. This premenstrual week is going to be the true test of that. I am so hungry. I could eat the world. Let me edit this post so I can elaborate. I want a turkey burger and fries. Oh god, I want french fries. And leftover easter candy. And french fries. And I can't even talk about this anymore!

In other news, I feel very bloated and fat, even though I have exercised three days already this week and have been doing well on the eating-- so how could I possibly have gained back all 20 pounds? I need to be gettin' my period.
- posted by mo @ 12:23 AM

 
Last night was my first attempt at "popcorn math" in my counting of points.

You see, the new Christopher Guest film came out yesterday, and the only time I could go see it was after work, the 11:15 show. Unfortunately I spent the day eating normally, having totally forgotten about popcorn. I couldn't possibly see A Mighty Wind without popcorn. This is not just any movie we're talking about, here. It's a film with a popcorn prerequisite.

So, I stopped counting points at 11 p.m. (whereupon I had two points in my bank) and flipped the page over to the next day. This morning, I had the uncomfy experience of waking up and already having eaten half my points for the day. But aside from this stretch of hunger in the afternoon (I am no dummy; I'm saving most of my points for dinner) it hasn't worked out too terribly. "Popcorn math." Who knew?

The movie, by the way, is totally popcorn-worthy. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.
- posted by mo @ 4:36 PM

 
You know that quote, "nothing tastes as good as thin feels"?

Yeah, screw that. I hate that quote.

Just had to get that off my chest. Possibly it is my current soul-deep craving for Bruce's scallop/asparagus/risotto thing. Because however good "thin" feels-- whatever "thin" is supposed to be-- that dish tastes better. Yum.

Anyway, the news: I did it! I lost 3 pounds this week, bringing my total loss to 21.8 pounds in 12 weeks. (I had to leave the meeting early to tutor a student and didn't get my bookmark and applause. I was sad about this. Feel free to clap in the general direction of your monitor.) First of all, I can't believe I've been doing this for 12 weeks. It seems like it's only been a very short period of time. Secondly, it finally feels as if I've lost a substantive amount of weight. 25 pounds is right around the corner. And then 30 pounds, which seems impossible to me right now, but that's only 8.2 pounds away.

This week was a good one for me. I worked out twice, but I also had a nice splurgey dinner with Megan, representing the balance of discipline and not being too mad about the whole thing. (Sometimes, when I rush back to My Journal Diary [that's what's on the cover] to write down that I've eaten a quarter of a chocolate-chip cookie, I feel vaguely insane. But then I know that writing it down keeps me accountable, so I must do it.)

So, what have I learned? Hmm. I have stopped needing chocolate. I didn't eat any chocolate today, and until I consciously thought about it right now, it hadn't bothered me. I have stopped needing to snack at night. It's the oddest thing. I feel like I am the most weak-willed person in the world, but it can't be the case. I've stuck to it and I've lost some weight, and I haven't had to give up anything-- not movie popcorn, or fabulous birthday dinners, or chocolate when I want it-- it seems a fine way to live.
- posted by mo @ 12:12 AM

 
I have a cold, and I am really in denial about it. Here's what I did today:

I paid my taxes. I paid my student loan bill. I signed up for electronic student loan debiting (which gets me a quarter of a percent off my interest rate, yay). I printed out and mailed off a teaching application. I went and tutored a student. I went to the post office and mailed the above materials. I returned a book. I made a collage for work. I had phone conversations with my mom, my sister, one of my students, one of my friends, and my boss. I went and drank some coffee. I dressed like J. Lo. I got lost in Alameda/Oakland/Lake Merritt. I tried on a bunch of clothes. I did laundry. I folded and organized and hung up my entire wardrobe. I swept the bathroom. I took out the trash. I tutored a second student. I got dinner. I watched Buffy. I worked on a budget. I updated my weblog. I did some arm exercises and crunches. I dyed my hair "Egyptian Plum." I took a shower. And now, I will sleep.

Fuck you, cold. I scoff at you.
- posted by mo @ 2:33 AM

 
Dude, my new jeans! They fit! How well they fit is arguable. But I can sit, walk, and bend in them, and no camel-toe or thigh-sausage action. This is exciting. I bet you anything I will have cracked 20 pounds by Thursday.
- posted by mo @ 12:35 AM

 
I have a stab wound in my hand (no, really) and so Mr. Ointy is all the update you kids are gonna get. (Also, it's almost three in the morning. I just finished working. My god, it's been a long weekend.)

I do have something remotely oint-related to talk about, actually. Janis and I were chatting today about how we almost talk ourselves back into our old sizes. Like, if my smaller-size pants fit, rather than think, "Oh yes, I lost weight" I think, "Oh, these pants must have stretched." It's a very weird mindgame we play with ourselves. I don't know if it's just she and I; somehow I doubt it.

In other news, my work pants have become rather clown-pant-like. I suppose it's a good thing. I feel a shopping spree coming on; there IS that $100 from my mother to spend, and maybe it can be my reward for having lost 20 pounds. I hate to waste a good shopping spree on a pair of work pants, but I guess I should own more than one pair of black pants anyway. I feel the need to throw away a lot of clothes that are too big. I think it would be quite satisfying.

Especially since I've been on sort of a cleaning rampage (in between the whole seven-days-a-week work schedule I have going on) and I feel the urge to throw out almost every item of clothing I own because I am over them. I need a new box that I can label "I am SO over these clothes." The last boxfull went to the 'rents last weekend.

This is possibly the least coherent I have ever been. I am going to bed. Goodnight, farewell. I'll tell you all about the stab wound soon.
- posted by mo @ 2:54 AM

 
I did that anaerobic exercise thing today on my bike ride. I read somewhere (probably some random internet page, because we all know how authoritative random internet pages can be) that six short bursts of 15 seconds each as part of a larger workout would be a good idea. I couldn't remember how long to rest between bursts, if you have to do them consecutively, or what. I did three consecutive ones on the way out, and three on the way back. By the fifth one, I was yelling (well, the panting-heavily version of yelling) "YEAH! YEAH!" like I was auditioning for a soft-core porn movie.

I'll be interested to see if this yields the promised benefits in terms of stamina and so forth. Like I said before, I've been working out regularly for a long time, but I still can't make it up the stairs to Jenfu's fifth-floor apartment without feeling like my heart is going to explode. Maybe this will help with that.


- posted by mo @ 5:14 PM

 
I lost .8 pounds this week! Saints alive, it's a miracle!

It is great to have lost this week (even if only because I was wearing lighter clothes-- ha!) after the weekend, which included Great Feast and Slab o' Fudge, and Casks of Wine, and god-knows-what-all. I expected to have gained, and was mentally preparing myself (it was a great weekend, it was worth it, it's not a race). But it's so much better for me, mentally, to have lost something. Especially since now I only have 1.2 more pounds to go before I have lost 20 pounds! That hardly seems concieveable, and yet I could do it this week. I am now super-motivated for the week.

I am doing better with fruits and veggies lately, thanks to Jamba Juice and dinners of steamed broccoli. (That's my dinner when I've had too many points during the day-- broccoli with sweet and sour sauce!) Tomorrow I get paid, so I can go buy some fruit and other snacks. (Speaking of snacks, I tried the Slim Fast Peanut Butter Crunch bars, and they taste EXACTLY like a Butterfinger. I can't even tell the difference.)

Today at the meeting we were talking about big holiday meals and plans for coping with them (like eating small portions, restricting yourself to foods you really love, eating beforehand, etc.) Under "Traditional Family Meal" I wrote, "poorly prepared food that tastes kind of bad." Then I wrote "Traditional Meal Cooked by Bruce" and under that, "life's way too short to count points for those."

That's kind of how I feel. Even if I had gained weight, so what. I refuse to be one of those people who can't enjoy a delicious, guilt-free meal every now and then!

Now it's time to re-gain all my momentum and make it 20 pounds. Not that 18.8 pounds isn't great, but 20 would be better!
- posted by mo @ 8:13 PM

 
I went to my meeting on Thursday, and I was down almost 4 pounds, bringing me down to an 18 pound loss overall. I felt very good about that number since I think for once it reflects reality. Of course, reality for this week's weigh-in will probably be a harsh mistress, since I didn't count points this weekend and mostly ate whatever I wanted. I am going to do my damndest this week to get back into the groove, and hopefully I will see only a slight gain, or perhaps a plateau, at next week's meeting.

The meal that I had on Saturday night was, however, phenomenal. I can't imagine ruining it by sitting there and going, "Gee, I bet this to-die-for creme brulee with the fresh raspberry sauce has a lot of points. Maybe I'll have an apple instead."
- posted by mo @ 12:35 PM