Here we are, back on track! Woo! Rah rah!

After two weeks of feeling fat, missing meetings, and eating like crap, I was prepared for anything when I stepped on the scale today. "I probably won't have gained more than ten pounds," I said to myself in preparation for the worst.

Sweet fancy Moses, I lost .2 of a pound. I haven't backslid at all. I'm still doing okay. I congratulated myself for not having given up, for each salad dinner, for each cookie not eaten, for keeping my journal going, for trying even when I felt like I wasn't doing so well.

Last night (at almost 9 pm, if you can believe it) I went for a bike ride. Today I have a huge bottle of water sitting in front of me. I am almost at 35 pounds lost, and I am going to stop having such a terrible image of my body. I don't know why I've been feeling so fat! I still feel fat.

Well, nevermind. I am going to keep moving forward, until I can fit into my new J. Crew jeans and the Arm Flab I so despise is out of my life forever.
- posted by mo @ 10:39 AM

 
You may have noticed I didn't update with my weigh-in this week. That's because there was no weigh-in this week! I was so busy on Thursday and Friday, and then I was so tired on Saturday that I overslept and missed my final chance to go. It would have been good to face the music, though. I know it's not been a pretty week, weight-wise.

Today Janis told me she has passed the 70 pound mark. Can you believe it? 70 pounds? How well she's doing, it makes me feel like an absolute failure. Which is ridiculous! I suspect I have gained a little, but I certainly haven't re-gained 30 pounds in three days! I think the problem is that I haven't been exercising. On Saturday, I spent the whole day cleaning and reading Harry Potter instead. I did stay well below my points, though, even below my minimum, and am hoping that will help balance out a week full of Chinese food, alcholic mayhem, and chocolate. Plus I walked a lot this week. Maybe it's not as bad as I fear it is.

In other news, I continue to suck down Diet Coke as if my life depends on it. I am an addict and I have no clue where it's come from. All I know is that nothing but fountain Diet Coke will do, and I drink at least one huge one per day. Mmmm.


- posted by mo @ 10:04 PM

 
I forgot to mention that I tried oysters for the first time. ("They have a lot of kinds of oysters. What kind should we order?" "I have no idea about oysters. Let's ask the waitress to..." "I want ones from Canada!" "Okay!") We ordered one of the Nova Scotia types of oysters, which were both A) recommended by our server, and B) Canadian. The waitress described them to us as "briny" and indeed they were! They tasted like the ocean, and I love the ocean. We argued over the last oyster. ("It's your oyster." "But what if I want you to have it?") I gave in and ate the last oyster. It made me tremendously happy. As does the word "oyster." Oyster oyster oyster.
- posted by mo @ 12:24 PM

 
I ordered a pair of jeans online today. J. Crew boyfriend-cut jeans. They were on sale for $20, which kicks ass, and also they are fabulous on Janis. I can only hope they are fabulous on me, and fabulous in general. I love them from what I can tell, though. The biggest size they had was 14, so I just ordered them. I figure I need another pair of too-small jeans to try on every day. Plus, once they fit, I will have jeans of fabulousness. See my optimism?

Speaking of optimism, I am beginning to worry: five pounds from now, I will be dipping into a lower point range. The last time this happened, the transition was kind of rocky, definitely the hardest time I've had so far on WW. I am trying to prep for it by eating at the lower end of my range, but that failed today when we ordered spinach-and-mushroom deep-dish pizza from Zachary's for a going-away party at work! I only had one slice, but what a slice! Ten points, and it was all over for me.
- posted by mo @ 8:51 PM

 
This is the equivalent of drunk dialing. Drunk-blog-updating!

Today I was excited to fit into size 14 jeans! Not to qualify it overmuch, but they are 14s in the Lane Bryant stretch jeans, and this doesn't make me a size 14 exactly, but it does make me very happy. I went to the Gap later (I happened to be in the Haight shopping for fishnets) and fit into their jeans! I fit into exactly one of their styles, the bootcut, and into their largest size which was a 16. But this is only the beginning of being able to fit into Gap jeans! I bet Old Navy will be a similar story.

I didn't buy either of the jeans because I didn't love either of them enough to spend the $50. Instead, I wriggled back into my "loose, comfy" jeans, which are the jeans I bought not long ago and described as too small. Now they are my big comfy jeans, is that not cool? Evidence! Evidence of weight loss all around me.

Now that I have staved off the urge to write an extremely angry and vituperative drunken email, I will sign off. Until next time!



- posted by mo @ 2:08 AM

 
Another good week! Boy, this is going well. (Knock on wood.) I lost another 1.6 pounds this week, bringing my total loss to 32.4 pounds. Even with the no exercise and the fancy dinners. Nice!

I am already looking forward to next week, because then I will be in the 220s. I started out in the 260s! Psychologically, the 220s are a big deal. Then the 210s, then the 200s, then I get to leave 200 pounds behind me forever. Janis looked great when she was at 200 pounds. I mean not just great, but "average sized" rather than "overweight" while still having sexy curves and all that. I know the math might not be quite the same, though, since I am taller than she is (I am almost 5'10" as it turns out) and have bigger tits. (Speaking of which: GET! SMALLER! Why won't you get smaller?!)

I haven't really noticed any particular spots where the weight has been coming off. Maybe this is one of those interim weeks, where I don't really notice anything, but it sets the stage for next week, when my thighs fit into size 14s or something. Or maybe my boobs will finally get smaller! Shrink, babies! Shrink!
- posted by mo @ 10:55 AM

 
RANDOM THOUGHTS:

I feel really guilty about drinking Coke. A can is only two points, and yet if I drink a can of Coke, it feels like the world is coming to an end. Which is crazy, since I have coffee drinks every day that are more than two points! I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I am craving Coke but somehow don't think I can have it. Note to self: you can have Coke. It is okay.

My weigh-in is tomorrow. It hasn't been very long since my last weigh-in (only six days this time) and also, I have had two decadent meals this week. I know I have basically been staying within points-- I have five points in my bank, which bodes well. But I don't expect anything spectacular.

I really need to get back on the exercise train. In theory, I have a lot of free time right now. In actuality, that doesn't seem to be happening. I think on Saturday I should have time for a ride, though!

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine the other night. Topics included: When am I not "fat" anymore but "normal"? Lying in bed and being touched, even in Troublesome Body Areas, and being utterly relaxed. Self-loathing and You. It's all so very complicated, all the issues and thoughts that surround weight and losing weight and being overweight and trying to love yourself... sometimes the simplicity of counting points is a real relief.

- posted by mo @ 11:29 PM

 
I want to note (for medical posterity) that I had a gallbladder attack this morning, probably my first one in a year. I guess I overdid it with the fats yesterday. (I had cream, oil, avocado, cheesecake, cheese...) I had saved up all my points and probably didn't do too bad overall, but the things that I ate were mostly fats, as you will note.

I woke up with vague pain when my alarm went off, but I was really tired (out late last night) so I popped a couple of Advil and went back to sleep. The pain kept me just awake enough to prevent my oversleeping, I think. It wasn't until I got out of bed and woke up a little more that I actually realized, yes, this is the real thing. It sucked! I took another Advil when I got to work, and ate a muffin. (Sometimes eating helps. Sometimes eating makes me puke. It's a coin toss.)

I warned my co-workers that I was in PAIN and might have to go to the ER, or leave, or at least sit down. There was no telling how bad it might get. I don't like to seem like a big baby, but I want them to understand that it's a serious thing. I've had gallbladder attacks that have lasted for hours, that have left me curled up in the fetal position, weeping, wishing I were dead. The only time in my life I have actively wished I would die. It hurts horribly. Today's was not nearly that bad. I mean, it definitely hurt and was distracting, but it wasn't that bad. More along the lines of bad cramps.

I felt altogether better after a couple of hours. And fortunately, I didn't end up puking in front of the Boy of Inappropriate Age, with whom I was working today. I think that might have tarnished my sexpot image-- and made the task of deflowering him a hell of a lot harder. Don't you think?
- posted by mo @ 3:36 PM

 
Wow! I crawled out of bed this morning and went to the weigh-in, and as it turns out, I lost 2.8 pounds this week! (And here I was, hoping to maintain.) That puts me at well over 30 pounds lost (almost 31, in fact) and this entitles me to the new Michelle Branch CD! It doesn't come out until June 24, though. Damn. I should have picked a different prize!

I really find it difficult to believe I could do so well on a week where I didn't exercise and had two days of non-ointy eating. But it's not a make-believe loss, because when I feel myself up, I notice the difference! (At first that was "touch myself." There was no way to make that less dirty.) So I really have lost 30 whole pounds. Applause, applause!

I am very happy. I should really keep the momentum going and exercise today, but for some reason I feel really worn out. I was joking about having "the mono," but all my muscles ache and I have very little energy and my throat is sore. I would rather have a nap than a bike ride right now, and I don't even nap! I am going to listen to my body, and just relax.
- posted by mo @ 2:45 PM

 
Bad: I overslept and missed my weigh-in this morning.
Good: There is a meeting I can get to tomorrow, before work.
Bad: That meeting is very early.
Good: I exercised today!
Bad: I didn't exercise much, only 4 miles and 30 minutes.
Good: At least I exercised!
Bad: My muscles hurt.
Good: I had another good points day today!
Bad: I had garlic fries, Krispy Kremes, hoagies, and beer at the ballgame.
Good: I shared some of that stuff with people and attractive men.
Bad: I think I have mono.
Good: My arm flab seems to be slightly shrinking.
Bad: I can't think of any more of these.
Good: Or maybe that's a good thing.
- posted by mo @ 9:52 PM

 
I have no excuse for not having exercised yesterday. I was home all day and didn't do much of anything except procrastinate exercising until I had to go to work. And it was my first chance to go in at least a week! I feel horribly guilty and am going to go tomorrow for an extra-special-long time. Shame! Shame shame! I flog myself.

On the flip side, I have been having a very good week points-wise. Graduation day was sordid; I probably had 75 points worth of food and drink and more drink that day. But Friday was good, and Sunday was not terrible, and Monday-Thursday so far have been excellent. If only I had exercised! I guess I can't do anything about that now except resolve to go tomorrow. I don't know why I am so tired.

Tomorrow is my weigh-in. I am hoping that I go down a tiny bit rather than maintain or creep up, but if I don't, it's my own fault for not exercising! I am going to crack that 30 pounds next week, though, for sure for sure. You just watch me.
- posted by mo @ 2:48 PM