Today I resent the following:

1. Skinny people who can eat all the foods I love, and not worry or count points or gain weight.

2. The man, for only making snack-sized "grab-and-go" portions with unhealthy foods. Why are high-point foods convenient, but low-point foods inconvenient? Damn the man.

3. Subway, since they stopped ordering baked Doritos in cool ranch flavor.

4. Chocolate, which constantly lures me with its siren song.

5. Whatever it is that makes me want to binge on cookies pretty much constantly.

6. Starbucks, since they don't have a single fucking low-point pastry (even the low fat muffin is six points) and they got rid of the only one they did have, the angel food cake, which I loved.

7. The new FlexPoints journal, because it sucks.

8. Me, trying to escape responsibility for my own self and my own choices.
- posted by mo @ 4:13 PM

 
I woke up early (although I am still exhausted after a good nine hours of sleep, I don't know what's up with that) to go to my WW meeting and face the music. Indeed, I had gained 3.4 pounds or something like that. (I have to leave for work in a few minutes, or I'd look it up.)

I love the "fresh slate" feeling of a weigh-in day. I am trying to hang onto that feeling rather than the feeling of failure and the feeling of wanting to eat cookies.

I've spent the past week eating largely like I'd given up on the program. I simply have to get back on track. Gaining 3.4 pounds is not the end of the world. I put it on in two weeks and can easily take it off in another two weeks. But losing weight you've already lost once feels like a waste of time! It should already be gone!

This is crucial, right here. Don't give in to the temptation to give up. I have to figure out this new FlexPoints system (I understand the system, it's how to write it down that's giving me problems) and have a good week. Hopefully exercise as well.

And save my FlexPoints for Books & Pie.
- posted by mo @ 9:17 AM

 
I keep thinking I have made it for the day, and then I remember something I had, usually chocolate, that screws me all up again. Last night I had a headache that would not quit, even after Vicodin and a nap, and the only thing that sounded good to me was a mocha. Caffiene plus chocolate equals heaven.

I seriously can't remember the last time I drank a mocha. I simply don't drink them and usually don't like them. But this mocha last night was the perfect beverage at the perfect time, and my headache was cured!

I am now operating at a points deficit, however.

Feh.

This is HAAAAAARD.
- posted by mo @ 12:54 PM

 
I did it! Yesterday I wrote down everything I ate and came in one point under. I think one point under. I hope I remembered to count everything.

This is way harder than I remembered.

At least I am spending the first half of the day completely shot up with novocaine and therefore unable to eat. I am afraid of what will happen when I can finally feel my mouth again, and I am ravenous, and standing in front of a case o' pastries, but there you have it.

Next time, remind me to get a job at a butcher shop or something.
- posted by mo @ 12:02 PM

 
I feel very hopeless and off the wagon today. I know I can't possibly have gained that much weight, but I feel as if I have, and I have no idea where my motivation is.

I cling to the fact that I haven't eaten anything yet today. I've already eaten everything I brought back home with me, so at least that temptation is (after a fashion) gone. I'm still feeling a little sick and gross and jetlagged, and my system is clearly unhappy with me, if you know what I mean.

Today I go back to work at Starbucks, and I hereby swear that I will write down every single thing I eat today. Maybe that will help me get some normalcy.
- posted by mo @ 11:04 AM

 
I'm going to move all the travel posts out of Mr. Ointy, and we'll get back to business around here.

My boss told me today that I look skinny. She's smoking crack, because I KNOW I have gained weight on this trip. I'm afraid to find out how much! I am also finding it hard to get back on track, since I brought back all these delicious Dutch goodies.

I am not giving up though. Do you have any idea how cute the clothes are in London? Next time I go back, I'm going to fit into them.
- posted by mo @ 4:25 PM

 
Home Safe

Obviously, didn't get to an internet cafe in London! I'm home now, and very tired from all the traveling, but I had a phenomenal time. More later.
- posted by mo @ 11:27 PM

 
The Love Sex Shoe

Caroline and I tried to convince everyone (our cousins and their friends) to come to the live sex show with us. My cousin's original idea was to wear a yellow rain slicker, just in case of bodily fluids. It turns out that "wearing a rain slicker" really means "not going to the live sex show." Everyone else punked out too.

Pussies.

My sister and I went to the Theatre Casa Rosso, which is the one with the big penis fountain outside of it, because we were told it was the best one in Amsterdam, and also because we had a free drink coupon. (We are nothing if not thrifty when it comes to live sex.)

We cheerfully forked over our 25 euros and went inside. It was not what I expected! It was like a mini-movie theater, with a lot of people seated inside. About 1/3 were women, who came as part of couples or groups. We were certainly not the only girls in the room.

And lo and behold, on a rotating stage, straight out of a porn movie: two people! Fucking!

I had to avert my eyes at first. I couldn't deal with it until I was sitting down. We sat in the second row (so as not to miss anything-- we're not shy!) and by the time we were settled, the curtain had closed on that act. It opened a minute later and there was a girl with a banana.

Sadly, she did not do anything truly obscene with the banana. She stripped, held it to herself like a penis, and made some guys from the audience eat it. Interesting, but not shocking, and not really that sexy.

Every alternate act was a couple having sex, so when the curtain raised again, that's what we saw. Basically they started out kissing, and there was a little foreplay, and then some oral, and then a few positions of actual fucking. All set to music!

The first couple was attractive but they looked very bored. The second couple looked slightly less bored but not as attractive. (I don't remember which guy had the whole left side of his body all crazy tribal tattooed, but it was cool.) The third couple was AWESOME. They did all these crazy Kama Sutra positions, and the guy had really great hands, and the way he was touching her wasn't mechanical at all. We both liked them the best.

The other cool thing was the banana girl came back and did this striptease... originally she was dressed as the grim reaper, and the whole outfit was very hot. (I know it doesn't sound hot, but trust me.) Then she lit a candle, stuck the unlit end right up in her business, and did some interesting contortions. Bravo!

I had one moment of surreal "oh my god, I am at a live sex show with my baby sister" but then I realized I had come to terms with her sexuality a long time ago. I don't think she's come to terms with mine, however-- every time I mentioned something TMI about one of the positions ("I did that with ___!") she seemed to not want to know. Yet she told me she was going to go home and practice with a candle! Double standard!

Anyway, it was definitely an experience I'm glad I had. Add it to the list of wild things I did in Amsterdam this week. It's a long list.

- posted by mo @ 1:36 PM

 
I am back in the internet cafe after my Oma's party. I am dru-u-uuunk. My sister had to come back to e-mail someone who is supposedly going to pick us up from Le Airporte, and also engage in some Lesbian Drama (tm). I have nothing to do, since all my friends seem to be asleep. I am vaguely answering my e-mail. HELLO!

I could tell you about the love sex shoe, but I feel like that story should wait for another time when I can really do it justice. The canal cruise was fun. I made wine spritzers for everyone, including my 16-year-old niece and my 15-year-old second-cousin, and we all got hammered. Or at least one or two of us did. At least I did. I don't remember much about the "cruise" itself except we saw the NARROWEST building in Amsterdam and it was real real cute.

We ate herring and eel (two of my favorite Dutch delicacies). My sis and I have one last half-hour to spend in Amsterdam before we take the train back to where my other sister lives. I think she and my brother-in-law are starting to be driven crazy by my parents. In fact, they admitted it! Who can blame them? I am so happy to see them. My older niece is coming back the day before Caroline and I fly out of the country, so we WILL see her after all, albeit for a brief moment.

(In case you are confused, my sister's real actual name is Caroline. Since she chooses to use her real name online, I feel a little silly sticking with the pseudonym of Abby. Her name is Caroline, which is one of my favorite names ever in the entire world. She was named after the Neil Diamond song. She says "yay" every time a picture gets taken. She looked gorgeous in her dress today. I am having the best time with her.)

What. Else? I don't know. We sailed around and had fun! I have been missing people, especially when I see or experience things I know they would love. For instance, the pannekoeken restaurant sold a "pirate pancake" on the kids menu. I almost ordered it in Jenfu's honor!
- posted by mo @ 10:51 AM

 
Remind me, when I get back, to tell you about the live sex show we went to last night. (Or, as per a spectacular typo by my sister, the "love sex shoe.") It was an experience worth writing home about!

We also went to the theatre festival, which was mostly very boring, and I was the only one who liked the Dutch Assassins because nobody else knew what was going on. It helped that I knew the history; it made it easier to figure out who all these people were and what the hell they were singing about in Dutch. But we had some moments all the same.

Also went to a lesbian bar with little sis after the sex shoe. (We were the only ones who went to the love sex shoe! Wimps, the lot of 'em!)

Today is the canal cruise for Oma's birthday, then two days with my older sister, and then it's off to London, baby! We made it happen, and we're going! I am getting so excited.

Also, I need a nap.
- posted by mo @ 3:53 AM

 
I just found out my friends Eric and K.T. are having a baby!! I am so excited!
- posted by mo @ 5:45 AM

 
Woke up and saw the news about the blackout on the East Coast. Seems like everything is okay there, just maybe a little excitement. I hope everyone is well!

As for me, this is the coolest vacation ever. I think we booked our London trip today. Three days, two nights-- we're flying. We're ridiculously excited. Hopefully everything will be confirmed for that.

Last night we went to an Indonesian restaurant recommended by Selila, and it was wonderful. The food, the service, the ambiance-- phenomenal. I wrote down the names of what I had-- some kind of shrimp mousse in a pancake, and lemongrass prawns, and a traditional Indonesian layer cake. Mmm.

Before we went to the restaurant we had a half hour to kill so we went to a really cute bar down the street and I had absinthe! It was a really cool feeling and I want more, more, more! We are having all the adventures-- I think tonight might be the night for the live sex show, if we don't chicken out.

What else? This morning we walked a zillion miles to find the best pancake house in Amsterdam. It really was. Huge traditional Dutch pancakes, flat and almost like crepes, covered with powdered sugar. I had one with baked apples in it, and it was delicious! The zillion mile walk was worth it. (It's down the street from the Anne Frank Huis and we're staying at Rembrandtplein.) Very cute walk through a neighborhood we hadn't explored before.

There's still so much we haven't seen-- the Grote Kerk ("Big Church") and the Rembrandt Huis, and some little museums and so many things. But there's so much we HAVE done, and we've been having a fantastic time. Our cousin Hanita is going to take us out this evening to a theater thing. We might see Stephen Sondheim's Assassins in Dutch! That's what I'm hoping for, but I'm sure whatever we see, it will be cool.

Wish you were here!
- posted by mo @ 5:30 AM

 
Today we partied in an old folks home. Woo! Amsterdam!

(This is true, incidentally. My oma had a small pre-party party in her residential home. Items of interest: 1. My 14-year-old cousin is now ridiculously tall, and on his way to being a heartbreaker of epic proportions. 2. My oma is now officially 90 years old, and she looks great! 3. My oldest niece is apparently going to be on vacation in Spain for the entire duration of our visit, and my sister and I won't get to see her at all. 4. My mom's current hair concept: a brown beehive wig.)

Last night was much more interesting than "party with the seniors" in that we went to our first coffeeshop and had a comedic experience trying to smoke some Dutch weed. My cousin assured us all that she could roll a joint for us, and then she proceeded to set the entire thing on fire numerous times, almost set Caroline and ME on fire, and then handed me the blackened and scorched remains of her experiment all, "Smoke this!"

Then we got a guy at a neighboring table to roll one for us. Watching him lick the paper was erotic, and I wasn't the only one who thought so.

My cousin's friend L. has also joined us. She's a world traveler who has been pretty much everywhere. She's a very cool addition to our little group-- there are now six of us girls wreaking havoc all over the streets of Amsterdam.

Finally, a story. A few days ago, my mother forced my neice's Belgian boyfriend to talk to Caroline on the phone. He had absolutely nothing to say to her, since they are total strangers. Mom: "Did you like Kurt?" Caroline: "Well, we didn't really have much of a conversation." Mom: "Well, doesn't he speak good English?" Caroline: "No." Mom: "Well, he spoke a little English!" Caroline: "Yeah. He said, 'I don't speak English.'"
- posted by mo @ 11:30 AM

 
Today we went to the Heineken Experience! They give you free beer and then let you send a videogram to people. I sent one to my notify list-- reason enough to be on it, I think. It was just my sister and I on the videogram, but I should have let everyone say hello-- I am with both of my cousins and each of them has a friend along.

We've been having a great time. Last night we walked through the Red Light District and almost went to a live sex show. Maybe we'll make it tonight! Then we got up so I could go to the van Gogh Museum. They only tolerated my museum-going for about an hour and a half, so I ran into the Rijksmuseum to see three Vermeer paintings, then spent an hour in the van Gogh Museum, which was as transcendental as I remembered. We mostly just walked through Amsterdam, which is gorgeous and also, gorgeous. I can't possibly emphasize enough how cool this city is.

In other news, Kymm posted a big update with lots of pictures. I don't think she should have taken so many pictures of me after seven hours on a fucking plane. But I love her anyway.

I love how well-connected we are on this vacation. My sister is updating her Livejournal as we speak.

For the Weight Watcher crowd, I have nothing to report. Most of my family hasn't seen me for a while, so I get a lot of "Wow, you lost weight." But at the same time I haven't stopped eating since I got here! My little sister feels very strongly about eating at every opportunity, and it's not such a bad way to live. We also have done a lot of walking... so we can eat whatever, right? Right!

Actually, what I had for breakfast was: free Heineken.
- posted by mo @ 6:50 AM

 
By the way, my sister is also posting updates in her crazy Livejournal!
- posted by mo @ 6:07 AM

 
Hey everyone! After 17 long, arduous, incredibly annoying (but safe and relatively smooth, so yay) hours of travel, I am here, in an internet cafe in Amsterdam, safe and sound. I hope all is well out there in internet land.

There's nothing much to report so far. We had a layover in Philadelphia and wandered around with the wonderful Kymm, who took a very artistic photo of my arm flab which is sure to be all over the internet shortly, and saw Corina for about 30 seconds, which meant a lot to me. (The Corina part, not the 30 seconds part.) We also saw the giant clothespin and big dominos. And the "LOVE" sculpture. And the train station.

So far in Amsterdam we have taken showers (thank GOD), eaten lunch and had some beer on a terrace, bought postcards, and listened to someone play Celine Dion on the accordion. After this we are going on a mission for patat, the perfect, hot, salty french fries dipped in special mayo. It comes in a paper cone. It is divine.

I am counting points, still. Once I eat the patat, I will be at 24 for the day. It's only two. Uh-oh...

Oh, and also? I'M IN AMSTERDAM! I love this city.
- posted by mo @ 5:24 AM

 
Since this weblog can be updated from anywhere (like, say, Amsterdam), I am going to appropriate it and turn it into an all-purpose journal for the next couple of weeks. I don't know how frequently I will be able to post, but I am sure I will post!

Watch this space!






- posted by mo @ 12:08 AM

 
I feel so fat today. I don't know why, because I went to my WW meeting and had lost 2.8 pounds, for a total of 41.2! That was so exciting; I got a bookmark and everything.

But then I went clothes shopping and nothing looked particularly cute, and I didn't feel cute, and bleh. I'm having a fat day.

On the other hand, I am wearing my "Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players" T-shirt:



I did the math and realized that I am almost halfway to my goal weight. 47 pounds will be the official halfway mark (yeah, I had 94 pounds to lose, good lord). I have a feeling that I will be very satisfied even 20 pounds before then, but we will see.

- posted by mo @ 3:59 PM

 
I went out for a 45-point dinner on Saturday, called it my "cheat night" and then moved on. Since then, I've been having a good week. I feel like I'm losing and hope its true. I can usually tell... anyway, I have had three good days and working on #4. I am optimistic about the 40 pound goal.

The picture in my new entry makes me look super skinny, which I appreciate, but it's just the angle. There are several other pictures from that night in which I look tremendously fat and/or have really bad hair. I do need a haircut rather desperately. I hope I have time before my trip...

Speaking of which, two weeks is a long time to turn my back on Weight Watchers. I hope it will go okay. I expect to do a lot of walking, and not have as much control over what I eat. (This tends to be a good thing for the most part.) I will bring my book along and try to estimate points when I can; we'll see how it goes. Overall, my goal for the trip will not be to lose (and if I do, so much the better) but to maintain.

And also: have a damn fabulous time!


- posted by mo @ 5:27 PM

 
Well, it finally happened-- a real setback week. I gained 1.4 pounds, almost all of what I lost last week. Damn, damn, damn.

Bodywise, I have been noticing my impressive thigh muscles. Those are new, and I suspect they account for a little bit (though not all) of the weight gain. I exercised every day this week, what with white water rafting and teaching at Berkeley (which involved hiking from one room to another and then hiking back to my car-- there's no fooling around with the Berkeley campus).

But I also ate a lot of junk food this week. Two nights ago, I went over by 16 points! Yesterday was good and I had one other day where I was way under... basically, it was a wildly uneven week.

I hope to re-lose the weight this coming week, plus a little extra. It's my last weigh-in before Holland, and I would love to have lost the 40 pounds by then. Right now I can say I've lost "almost 40" pounds, but it's sure not the same.






- posted by mo @ 9:35 AM

 
I meant to tell you this story a while back. More readjustment of the brain taking place.

On our rafting trip, the whole camp got to see a slide show containing pictures from our rafting adventure. A lot of the photos of me were less-than-sexy... as you'll see when I get the ones we ordered! Part of my brain was saying, "You're fat!" The other part of my brain was saying, "Nobody, but nobody, looks good in a swimsuit and a life vest."

In other words, I am moving away from seeing bad/unflattering pictures as evidence against me. "This is how you really look!" I am moving toward seeing them as bad/unflattering pictures of a normally attractive person. I was amused by the pictures (I am falling over in most of them) and not embarrassed by them, despite the fact that I was wearing a bathing suit and half of the time my ass was sticking out in the air.

This feels like a significant shift, even if I'm not articulating it very well.
- posted by mo @ 7:28 PM