Shocking News: Exercise Might Be Beneficial
I am very much afraid that exercise may be good for me.

You know what I did today? I wrote five poems! Five decent-to-good poems! Five poems about which I am enthusiastic. Five poems that represent the beginnings of a new project. And why do I suddenly have the mental energy for this? Why am I creatively free? Oh my god, I think it might be the exercise.

I did my Gym in a Box workout today and I made it through all 30 minutes of cardio. I took it as easy as I needed to to get all the way through, but I did not skip anything and at the end I was sweating and everything.

And I swear, even after only four days, I can feel new muscles in my arms and abs. I swear.

Tomorrow is supposed to be cardio, then upper body, then Pilates. I am thinking of doing Pilates right now so that I have less to do tomorrow. This is not "cheating" it is merely "modifying."

So I guess the moral of the story is, Gym in a Box was a great idea. It's too bad exercise sucks so much while I'm actually doing it, or else I might do it all the time!

Oh well. You can't have everything.
- posted by mo @ 11:00 PM

 
Gerunding
I ran into my first obstacle regarding Gym In A Box(tm), which is that I didn't do my workout yesterday. I ended up doing a lot of walking (the attempt to meet Bill Clinton, which is a story in and of itself) and then I was at the concert until midnight and I got home and I was totally knackered.

I honestly wasn't sure what to do today. Should I double up my exercise? Pretend yesterday never happened? Try and catch up slowly? Finally I decided to call yesterday a wash. I didn't do my exercises, but I did plenty of healthful walking, and I would just pick up today where I left off.

Today was yoga, upper body and Pilates. I like the 10 minute workouts because by the time you start to feel sore and achy, you're almost done. At the same time, I can feel it the next day when I wake up. Right now I can tell that my shoulders are going to feel it tomorrow.

I like everything except the cardio, really. (The cardio is okay, and there's a kickboxing portion which is cool, but I'd rather do a dance workout or all kickboxing than random squats and lunges. My knees still don't like squats and/or lunges.)

I remember when I used to go to aerobics class, and after the cardio would be free weights. I loved being able to lift weights instead of cardio. It makes me more motivated in the rest of the workouts. "Sure I can do some more crunches. It's not cardio!"

I have a feeling that I'm working out at too high of a level, because I shouldn't have a problem sustaining my cardio workout for 30 minutes if I am being moderate. I need to invest in a heart-rate monitor, I think, if they aren't too expensive.

One other amusing thing about Gym In A Box(tm) is that the instructor, while very perky and encouraging, is overly fond of gerunds. There are places on the video, and I am not exaggerating, where her dialogue goes, "And we're lifting. And stretching. Bending... releasing. And supporting! And twisting. Melting. And pulsing, one more time..."

I'm not kidding that "melting" and "supporting" are two of the options. It's quite something.

Today I had dental work and ended up using all my points on smoothies and crap, and wanting nothing more than a big fat turkey burger when I got home, even though I didn't have very many points left.

I decided to take the advice of Ointyite Ty, who suggested re-starting the oints-odometer before dinner. In other words, when I wake up tomorrow, I will already have consumed... 16 points I guess. Then I'll have 10 more for the rest of the day, until dinnertime, when it "rolls over" again. His suggestion, that it's easier to cut back at breakfast and lunch, may very well work for me. I hope so!

And we're blogging. And posting! Supporting. And commenting...
- posted by mo @ 9:31 PM

 
Magic Elixir?
So my Gym in a Box also comes with a nutrition plan. It's a nutrition plan that they lay out for you but don't really explain. "Don't drink anything with meals." "Wait half an hour after eating fruit before you eat dinner." "Avoid peanuts as they are mucus-producing." I mean, what?

Apparently this is a real nutrition program, however. There is some more vague information about it here. And the recipe for the "Liquid Gold Elixir," which you're supposed to sprinkle on salads or whatever, is here.

The menu does make intuitive sense to me, though. Unlimited fruit for breakfast (I'm having strawberries, cherries and an apple) and then wait half an hour before eating a salad with some protein on it. Then in my case, Indian food for dinner and dancing around at a concert. Which isn't exactly on the menu, but close enough.

I'm considering making up a batch of the Elixir and trying this diet next week. Not as a diet, just as more of a cleansing. It is very similar to the "fat flush" plan, and it is within the allotted Weight Watcher points. It might be interesting to try. On the other hand, I am already craving a bagel. It will take all my discipline and then some to stick to this diet, which I don't even really understand. Not a good sign.

The fact is that the exercise is going to do a lot of good all by itself, eating plan or not. I'm not going to kill myself trying to eat unrealistically when I can stay within the WW plan and also get this daily exercise thing happening. But I wouldn't mind making some of this stuff to use as a salad dressing. It looks pretty tasty and from what I can see (chili powder to stimulate the metabolism, for instance) it might even do something.
- posted by mo @ 9:47 AM

 
Tidbits
First of all, as I've been informed by a few people already today, it looks like spies got hacked (my site and stee's are both all c4@zEe or however they spell it in Hackerland). But if you bypass the main page, all the files are still there. I don't know anything about hacking, but I know that's good. And look here! Mr. Ointy is alive and well. And the latest journal entry is up here.

Secondly, today is Day Two of my Gym in a Box regimen. I'm doing the "Upper Body Blast" this week. Yesterday I did the 30 minutes of cardio. Actually, I only did 20 minutes and then I gave up. Today I did it again and I tried to modify it more. (The book says you should not work out to exhaustion. "If you don't feel like you could do the same workout immediately, it's too strenuous" or something like that. That sounds like total bullshit, but I know that I should be able to do 30 minutes of cardio without quitting, and if I can't, then I need to do the wuss version.) I think I managed 25 minutes today, some of it just walking side-to-side or whatever. I am so not in shape, people.

Anyway yesterday was cardio, then upper arms (which I did with 3 lb. weights as instructed) and Pilates. (I did a lot of rolling around on the ground. Pilates is c4@zEe.) Today I still have to do the "buns and thighs" workout and I think abs. Those are only 10 minutes each.

I like being able to break up my exercise into chunks throughout the day. I like that the crazy Botox lady doesn't say asshole things, ala my kickboxing video when you are squeezing your glutes: "If you don't squeeze it, nobody else will!" (I can assure you that isn't true. Assholes.)

I also started keeping a notebook, and I weighed myself today, and wrote down everything I ate yesterday, and am just generally feeling motivated. I knew that exercise would be the key, and Gym in a Box is really quite fun so far.

I was going to write about the fab new weight loss blog Pair Up / Pare Down, but I don't have time. Later!
- posted by mo @ 5:37 PM

 
Fat Club
The latest post on Losing the Cow has gotten me thinking. (Read it for an explanation of this post's title.) Actually it got me following links in the comments, whereupon I got to Kimberly's entry, which then got me thinking. Let me now quote at length! Kimberly says:

"What hit me in the gut was how true it is that there is a big Cone of Silence about being fat. You can talk about losing weight all you want, but talking about being fat is completely taboo. Oh sure, you can make fun of people who are fat (including yourself, that will slay them), but talking honestly about the experience of being fat is like how it felt to talk about masturbation for the first time–kind of dirty and bad and wrong and uncomfortable."

Ain't that the fuckin' truth. Later in the entry, Kimberly mentions the "but I'm fat" thing. I'm fabulous but I'm fat, is basically what I comes down to. And man, have I been there. I've also done the converse, "but at least I'm not as fat as her" or "I'm not as fat as I used to be." Defining myself on the Spectrum of Fat.

And on the one hand, as Linda points out, it's important to have plenty of tricks in your arsenal, even if your thoughts are not so noble as you might like them to be. If I play on my own petty "being thin is the best revenge" mentality, then that helps me, right? Well sure... to a point. But it also helps me stay on the Spectrum of Fat. I am not as fat as I used to be... but I'm still fatter than this person. I'm thinner than her... but I'm fatter than this other person.

The fact is that I'm not a size four, and I'll never be a size four, and I am around size-four people all the time. I have to come to terms with the fact that the Spectrum of Fat will always let me down. I have to be able to stand in a room of size four people and be okay with it. And believe that if people make assumptions about me based on that, it's their fucking problem.

The other thing is that it's difficult (at least for me) to talk to People Who Are Thin about being fat. Especially People Who Are Thin But Think They Are Fat.

And it isn't fair for me to put it like that. I know people who struggle with five extra pounds the same way I struggle with 50 extra pounds. At times I have not been as sympathetic to them as I should be, and I feel bad about that. It's difficult to put on weight if you've always been thin, and it's difficult in a completely different way. And sure, there's commonality there. There's caring. But on some level, they can never understand. They aren't marked by fatness the way that I am and have always been. They have a thin person's experience of the world. It's not my experience.

There's a way that I can relate to my friends who are around my size that is different from the way I relate to everyone else. It is a bond that can't be manufactured. It's the fact that you, if you are overweight like me, are struggling with the same problem that I am. You understand the way I look at the size two girls at my work who are fasting to lose weight (and I am not kidding) and feel droplets of hate. You understand the constant worry that anti-fat prejudice is underlying even the most basic interactions. You stand next to me and we compare fat in the mirror, poking our fat rolls and laughing. With you, it can be funny.

There is a wall there that separates us from the rest of the world. If, for example, I have been reading someone's posts and I feel like I can really relate to their struggles, and then I see a picture and find that they are (to me) not fat, but a thin person who thinks they are fat, suddenly I can't relate to them anymore. I can feel that wall coming up.

I don't know if its right or wrong, to feel this way. I know that comparing and contrasting yourself with people gets you nowhere. I know someone else being thin or fat does not change my dress size, and should not change the way I feel about myself. But these landmines are still out there for me to negotiate. And occasionally they blow up in my face.
- posted by mo @ 3:32 PM

 
Gym In A Box
So last night I went out for sushi (oh, and for the record,"Bacon Sushi" is not a good idea. DO NOT ORDER THIS. Not even if you are very hungry and like bacon, should you order this.) and afterwards to the bookstore with my friend Megan. I was looking through the fitness DVDs and found one that looked so interesting, I had to buy it. It's called Gym in a Box.

The woman who does all the exercises is vaguely creepy in that perky gym way, with a mouth that opens a little too wide and a forehead that's a little too expressionless. (Botox, anyone?) But once you become familiar with the workouts, you can turn off the sound and just exercise to music. (Sure, it's terrible porn-soundtrack music, but it's music nonetheless.)

The concept is what really interested me. There's a cardio workout, abs, butt and thighs, upper body, yoga and pilates. And there are like 10 different regimens that they plan out for you depending on what you want to do. For instance, if you want to focus on the upper body, it will tell you on Monday you do the upper body workout and abs, on Tuesday upper body and cardio, on Wednesday pilates and thighs, etc. etc. It even schedules in a day of rest.

Last night I wanted to try it, so I did the ab workout and the yoga. I liked them both very much; her instructions were clear, the exercises were good, and you could modify them as needed. I don't feel like either one was a super workout, but I honestly wasn't up for 30 minutes of cardio, especially not with my hurt back. I'm planning on trying that one tomorrow, though! (Maybe. I will probably ride my bike instead.)

Anyway I'll keep you posted. I am going to follow the weekly workout schedule, only my "Monday" will be Saturday. That makes Friday my day of rest, which is good with my schedule. I have more time to work out on the weekends, and on Fridays, if I go out after work, I have no workout time at all. This way I can substitute bike rides on the weekends.

This is exactly what I need. I have to go out and buy three-pound weights to use during the upper body workout, and then I have to decide which schedule to do. There's a fat blast one that looks really intense; I will probably wait a couple of weeks before I tackle it. I do a lot of walking, but I neglect my upper body shamefully. I think I might do the "focus on the Arm Flab Situation" week.

Yay for Gym in a Box!
- posted by mo @ 10:07 AM

 
Closer to Fine
My throat doesn't really hurt anymore. My energy is back up. My back still hurts, but less. I think I might be on the road to Wellville, finally. And this concludes the health update.

It looks like I'm going to be a panelist at Journalcon 2004 in August, just as soon as I figure out how I'm going to pay for the plane fare. But I'm starting to get excited, and am very happy to have been asked. I think Mr. Ointy will be the subject of the panel's attention, which is why I post the news here! I hope they're still doing White House tours, though. It's an Escapade!

Speaking of escapades, I am currently #3221 in line to get my Bill Clinton book signed. I am not that optimistic; yesterday I addressed 15 envelopes and my hand got tired. How the hell Bill Clinton is going to sign more than 3220 books-- let's just say I'm not counting my chickens.

Yes, so that was totally unrelated to Ointy. The point is, I am feeling better and I need to exercise. I still haven't been to my new gym, nor have I been on a bike ride other than that one really bad "my lymph nodes! my lymph nodes!" two-mile tragedy.

Lately I have been counting points in the morning, and then sort of "losing track" when I get home. Today I had a Coke (3 points) because I was feeling terribly motion sick from reading on the train. Then I had strawberry puree (1) on bread (3) for a total of 7 points. Then I had half of a chicken wrap, points unknown. We'll say 5, it was pretty small. That's 12 points. I am going out for sushi later tonight. That will be another 10 points. That gives me four more points. I have an apple and a granola bar. I guess that would be it for me!

Thank god all the peanut-butter cup ice cream is gone, that's all I can say. I hope I can hold off for a few hours before I have the apple. Sigh.
- posted by mo @ 12:20 PM

 
Mr. Ointy Has Stopped Yelling
I hope. Some kind Ointyite pointed out an open bold tag in my template. It should be fixed now. No more screaming.

Well the swollen painful glands went away. Today's physical complaints are that I sort of threw my back out yesterday and that my teeth still hurt. But my lymph nodes are gradually getting smaller, and also they don't hurt anymore. My throat is still mildly sore, but that is also going away. I had a Jamba Juice yesterday with an immunity boost. I've been taking vitamins. I've been drinking OJ.

To get back down to the nuts and bolts of weight loss, which I have been ignoring, this morning I had watermelon for breakfast. And a cafe au lait, my new vice. (But not such a bad one, all things considered.) I brought a box lunch as well, and am ignoring the fact that we have toffee crunch and peanut butter cup ice cream in our fridge. Damn you, Haagen-Dazs. Damn you.

I am going to try and save strenuous exercising (which is what I really, really, really need to do) until I feel better. After that bike ride this weekend is when my glands swelled up and I felt all terrible. I tried to push through the pain, but I don't think it's such a good idea.

Maybe I should do some yoga tonight, that might help with the back pain and also won't be too stressful. And it will make me feel as if I'm gaining momentum instead of treading water.
- posted by mo @ 10:19 AM

 
The Internet Needs To Quit Throwing Words Around
Why is Mr. Ointy suddenly all bold? I can't figure it out. The template hasn't changed. Why is Mr. Ointy screaming at me? I don't get it.

Yesterday I went for a bike ride, yay, which may have been a bad idea. My ears started to hurt with all the cold air blowing into them. I came home and plopped down on the bed to read, and then I noticed I have these big swollen bumps behind my ear. Of course the first webpage I went to was "you have cancer" and I was convinced for about half an hour that this was true.

Then I calmed down and read further and found that sudden, tender, painful inflammation of the lymph nodes is caused by infection, not cancer. Whew! I called the nurse and she said it sounded like it was just more of whatever mystery illness I've been having, and since I've been feeling better, just drink fluids and call if anything untoward happens.

I might call, though. It might not be cancer, but the words "swollen lymph nodes" do not inspire confidence in me.
- posted by mo @ 12:47 PM

 
Post 300
Now that Blogger has redesigned its format, I can easily see that this is my 300th post. Which means nothing, but there you go. It's true anyway.

Everyone on the whole damned internet has been linking to Linda after only one post on her weblog (no pressure, Linda) so this is a moo point, but she has been one of my favorite writers for a long time now, and those of you who might not have heard of her need to go and hear of her. I've been turning over the "what are you using it for" idea in my head ever since I read this entry. Also the rope metaphor. It's good stuff.

I maybe shouldn't be posting this at all right now. I failed in my quest to get exercise this week; mostly I just worked late and slacked off and took medicine and ate the wrong things. And I had to endure this big conversation at work about who was hot, and the entire conversation was "X has a great body" and "Y has an amazing ass" and I just sat there feeling like I could never, ever be on anybody's list because I am not a size zero. The sad thing is, this isn't even low self-esteem talking. This is the truth. I'm not on anybody's list. I don't want the atmosphere here at work to be damaging to me; I love this job so much. But that conversation still got me down.

It won't be that difficult to have a "better" week, because this week was not so great. I'm still not feeling physically well or particularly energetic, but I am going to have to start ignoring that. If I'm chunging along the healthy road, it will be a lot easier for me to think "to hell with them" when the guys who eat donuts without guilt and have pot bellies sit around judging the bodies of the women who work here.
- posted by mo @ 11:25 AM

 
C2
Has anyone tried C2 yet? McDonalds is going to be offering it in Los Angeles, New York, Orlando, Atlanta, and Chicago. I'm wildly curious. (This is low-calorie Coca-Cola, in case you missed the whole announcement. It's also billed as "low-carb" but I can only imagine it still has many carbs.) I love Coke, and sometimes Diet Coke isn't quite what I want.
- posted by mo @ 11:04 AM

 
Poor Neglected Mr. Ointy
I was supposed to be all reinvigorated this week, after my trip to Vegas, but what happened was I got very sick in Vegas, and am still feeling very blah. I haven't been exercising, I've been sleeping. One night I accidentally got less than eight hours and it was no good. No good!

Anyway, did I mention I got new tires on Britney? They are so pretty. I got a bunch of compliments on the bike because they are so pretty. And so fast. I cannot wait to ride! (Except clearly I can, since it's been like, two weeks.) I have two rides planned for the weekend, and I hope next week I will have more energy and be able to get home early enough to go for a couple of rides.

That's the other problem, work has been very busy. So much so that they actually took on a temp to work evenings and nights, so I can go home on time! It's going to be quite a busy summer here.

As you can see, I don't have a tremendous lot to say. I've got some fresh fruit and a box lunch, and I'm struggling to get back on track. I know the key is going to be biking, and I'm itching to start. Tomorrow, tomorrow. Tomorrow it is!
- posted by mo @ 9:23 AM