Hey There, Hottie
An article about how difficult it is for us to be happy with our bodies.
"Fat is not a feeling. When you say 'I feel fat,' what you mean may be 'I feel stressed' or 'I'm on my period' or 'The day is out of control.' McGilley says, 'Fat is not a feeling. We all need to spread the word.'"
Let's all try to be the "the too-fat or too-skinny Plain Jane who draws everyone to her, like moths to a flame," shall we? If you need help, you can always read Snackiepoo:
"[O]nce I had that self-confidence, I noticed that I had no trouble finding men, even the hot ones. To this day, I still get hit on until the wedding ring is noticed and/or I say that I am married, but thanks. Even the owner of the car wash discounts me cause he calls me 'hottie' and ladies, I am no skinny minnie at all. I think it is just a matter of confidence, so please love yourselves and kick those men under the rocks where they belong and be fabulous, okay!"
Okay!
"Fat is not a feeling. When you say 'I feel fat,' what you mean may be 'I feel stressed' or 'I'm on my period' or 'The day is out of control.' McGilley says, 'Fat is not a feeling. We all need to spread the word.'"
Let's all try to be the "the too-fat or too-skinny Plain Jane who draws everyone to her, like moths to a flame," shall we? If you need help, you can always read Snackiepoo:
"[O]nce I had that self-confidence, I noticed that I had no trouble finding men, even the hot ones. To this day, I still get hit on until the wedding ring is noticed and/or I say that I am married, but thanks. Even the owner of the car wash discounts me cause he calls me 'hottie' and ladies, I am no skinny minnie at all. I think it is just a matter of confidence, so please love yourselves and kick those men under the rocks where they belong and be fabulous, okay!"
Okay!
9 Comments:
Balance.
Its interesting that its very hard to find a reasonable balance between self-image and weight these days. And its unfortunate too, because on the one side you have people saying, "Ew, ick, you're nasty, you're too fat, you're a bad person." Which isn't good at all, and certainly isn't true. Well, you may be a bad person, but it has nothing to do with your weight. On the other hand, you have people saying, "Hey, I'm a good person, I have value, I rock, I can eat all the ding-dongs I want and I'm still a good person." This is true, or at least may be true, but it doesn't mean that remaining significantly overweight is a great lifestyle choice.
People are good, and bad. People have high or low self-esteem. Some people are too skinny, some have healthy amounts of fat, and some are too large. These three things should have nothing to do with each other. They have become related, of course, but that's more to do with society than anything "real."
And yet there it stands. If you think that someone is overweight, (either yourself or someone else), you're seen to be making a judgement call about that person. And if you ignore it, you're endorsing a lifestyle choice (and for a lot of people, that's what it is) that's potentially harmful and self-destructive. Is there even a middle ground any more? I think that its still possible to enjoy someone and love them, but feel that they're doing something unhealthy. Or is that just me?
Awwwww - Jess told me that you quoted me so I had to run and see. I am so glad someone got something out of the crap that I spew ;).
Seriouly though, good for you for believing in who you are....you deserve it, as we ALL do!
um, actually, sometimes fat is a feeling. Like when it's 40 celsius with the humidity, and every inch of me feels like a roasting sausage. Also, I think she's downplaying the impact of that feeling by dismissing it as stress or PMS. Sometimes, saying "I feel fat" means "I feel worthless" or "I feel as though I appear disgusting to others". These are a little more serious than just, "oh, I have PMS." These feelings don't fade in 5-7 days.
Richard -
To answer your question, there is a definite connundrum but balance as well. My husband and I love each other to death and both accept how we look and refuse to hate ourselves for it because there is no reason for self-loathing....however, we also both are working out together on this "chalenge" now and are pushing each other to lose the rest of our weight as we have already lost 100 each.
That line between fat acceptance and weight-loss is a thin one and I actually blogged about it one day because I was not allowed access to a fat acceptance site since I am into weight loss. Which makes no sense to me at all, period. We should be able to love who we are but still strive to improve upon it.
Hey all! I am new here and first let me say I LOVE IT! I am a 230 lb woman who only seems to have skinny friends who bitch and moan when they gain 5 lbs. I can't hate them for this b/c if I would have bitched and moaned at my first 5 lbs (and actually DONE something about it), I would still be at a healthy weight.
I have been dealing with a real confidence issue b/c I have been attempting to get back into the dating scene after quite a bit of time out of it. 3yrs ago the guy I was with for amost 5 yrs dumped me b/c of my weight gain. The next guy I dated swore up and down that he loved my figure but ended up dumping me to get back with his skinny ex. The most recent guy was one that I only dated a short while. After a few dates, I heard some comments he and his friend made about a "fat cow" one of them met at a bar. I later asked him why he was dating someone overweight if fat people bugged him so much. His response? "Everyone knows fat girls put out b/c they are desperate". Needless to say, that was the last I saw of him. I am proud to say that I proved his theory wrong b/c I never put out for him! :-)
After that I just decided to stay away from the dating scene until I lost enough weight that my self esteem wouldn't take a hit every time a guy made a rude comment or never called. Then I realized that I didn't want to meet someone who would only like me b/c I was smaller. That is not happening anytime soon, so I decided to make the attempt YET AGAIN!
I know that self-confidence is attractive to men. I know that lack of it is a turn off. If I go out with my friends dancing, with no thought of trying to meet a man (all I want to do is enjoy the music), men will come up and ask me to dance (I can be wearing jeans and sneakers). Another night I can go out, dressed to the hilt, but feeling a little "off" mentally and not one will look at me.
It has been a real struggle to maintain a level of confidence despite being almost 100 lbs overweight. I have yet to be able to maintain a positive air about me when my body disgusts me. It is very hard to not take all of the "sorry but I don't think we're a good match" responses I get from the internet dating sights very personally.
Hopefully being able to vent my own feelings and read other people's experiences will help me discover a healthier mental attitude towards life.
Self image and body image (for me, and for most women I know, anyway) are totally intertwined. On days when I feel good about myself, it's like I exude something that makes people "see" me. But there are the other days, of course. Invisible days. Fat days. I agree, sometimes fat is a pretty real feeling.
It's easy to suggest we all reach some balance... but if it were that easy, I'd be there and so would the other 60% of Americans who are overweight.
As if balance were so easy to achieve, anyway.
Well welcome, Heather! It's great to have you here. I'm sorry you've dated some duds; it's definitely them, not you. You, obviously, are fabulous. And there are definitely men who will love you even if you're heavy. I've dated many of them! Many... many... many of them.
LOL mopie -
Me too...dated many chubby liking frogs before marrying my "love you just the way you are" hubbyman!
Also, balance is just...balance. Sometimes balance in the whirlwind, too. We tend to think it means a moderate (or, what the hey, even pretty damn fine) state of mind all or most of the time, but it means balance. If your good days are about as many and as intense as your bad ones, you're balanced, but the bad ones still suck. If, weight-wise, you fall into a certain range (semi-randomly determined by secret underground meetings between the insurance companies, the AMA, God(dess), and your own childhood experiences), you're balanced, but that doesn't keep a-hole guys or those size -3 bee-yatches in lycra at the gym from thinking you're a fat cow who must embody desperation.
Don't get me wrong, balance is good! But I think we have to have been unbalanced for a long time first to really appreciate how good it is. It's kind of like not feeling nauseated; you take it for granted, you don't jump up and down all day singing "thank God I don't feel like throwing up" unless you've had morning sickness or chemo or irritable bowel for weeks or months on end. And even then, when you've felt okay for a while, you go back to taking it for granted. Lack of nausea doesn't guarantee a great day any more. After you've been size 10 for a while, a) it doesn't guarantee a great day anymore (I'd never, ever have believed it seven years ago) b) you start to feel about your image more or less like you did when it was more like a size 20, and c) you're always worried about going back, always afraid it's just a fluke, always kind of on a little tenterhook about what you "really" look like. Sad funny damn world.
--Cat
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