Dress Like A Mermaid. An Ugly Mermaid.

Sometimes I visit plus-size websites and amuse myself by trying to find the best and most horrible item on each site. My vote for most horrible at Fresh Produce goes to this thing, allegedly a dress that lets you “cruise through sunny days and starry nights, in full bloom.” And it passes the "would my mother wear this?" test. (Which is to say, yes, my mother would totally wear it.) Man, I wish I wrote copy for that site.

“This fetching and provocative ensemble will make you feel breezy, cool, stylish, and comfortable. Throw on this all-purpose garment to do projects around the house involving wicker furniture and a Bedazzler, or dress it up with a chunky Home Shopping Club Tanzanite bracelet for a night on the town! Billowy fabric reveals a hint of curve while preserving the mystery of your true shape beneath a soft ocean of cotton. Like a remarkable seashell on the beach, your uniqueness will shine through your every magical step.”

I could go on… but I’ll never approach the perfection of "in full bloom" so I'll spare you. My vote for least horrible goes to the ensemble currently gracing the front page. It's cute! It's got potential! And the website has a cute design, too. It's too bad about the clothes being mostly hideous. Perhaps appliques are the answer.