Please, Just Go Ahead and Kill Yourself. For All of Us.
Hey, all you fat gals! Being obese and female is as bad as it gets, according to Berit Heitmann, "a nutritional and medical research advisor to the Danish government."
He went on to say, "Obese women are deprived of friendships, intimate relationships, social interactions, education, income and respect."
Now, I understand that this can be construed as having a measure of sympathy, because it is hard to be overweight, there is discrimination, it can be tough to find clothes and self-worth and confidence when you're dealing with being fat. Obesity is tough on our health, emotionally and physically. I'm with you there, 100 percent.
So I'd like to say thanks for understanding it's hard, Mr. Heitmann. But really, fuck you for acting like fat is the end of the world, and fuck you for painting such a flattering picture of fat women. And I'd like to tender my apologies for going about being obese all wrong - I will immediately dump my friends, break up with my boyfriend, and ask the university to take back my Master's degree. I hadn't realized I wasn't supposed to have those things once I started shopping at Lane Bryant.
He went on to say, "Obese women are deprived of friendships, intimate relationships, social interactions, education, income and respect."
Now, I understand that this can be construed as having a measure of sympathy, because it is hard to be overweight, there is discrimination, it can be tough to find clothes and self-worth and confidence when you're dealing with being fat. Obesity is tough on our health, emotionally and physically. I'm with you there, 100 percent.
So I'd like to say thanks for understanding it's hard, Mr. Heitmann. But really, fuck you for acting like fat is the end of the world, and fuck you for painting such a flattering picture of fat women. And I'd like to tender my apologies for going about being obese all wrong - I will immediately dump my friends, break up with my boyfriend, and ask the university to take back my Master's degree. I hadn't realized I wasn't supposed to have those things once I started shopping at Lane Bryant.
20 Comments:
Holy hell! I just got married and now apparently have to get divorced, because "Dr." Berit says so!
Seriously, I can understand the physical aspects of it - women do suffer more health-related problems than similarly overweight men. But come on - I have never suffered socially, educationally, or professionally as a result of my weight.
And that part about scholarships and grants not going to overweight women? Am I missing something? Do you have to send a picture with your grant application, or do you just send an essay entitled, "Why I should get an education despite my layers of blubber?"
catherine - In all fairness, many scholarships and grants require face-to-face interviews. Also, when I took French in college I was surprised to discover most employers in France *do* require you to send a picture with your resume.
My favorite part of the article was this line "Women's tendency to carry more fat on the backside than on the stomach, where it was more dangerous, may explain this, she said." It made me think "Well, thank God for my fat ass!"
I'd be interested to read the entire text of this guy's speech to see if he was just being an ass or if his comments were taken out of context. It's possible he could have meant that being obese and female was the worse combination to be out of all obese people, not that being obese and female was the worse thing to be in the world.
Hi there,
Longtime reader, first-time commenter. Love the blog! I'm a fat woman myself, and I read this yesterday, and I have to say, I didn't take it that way at all.
I don't think she (the doctor -- she's a woman) was saying that it's impossible for obese women to have intimacy and relationships and scholarships and all the rest, or that you aren't to a very large degree responsible for your own happiness.
It seems to me she was presenting some ideas that a lot of us already know -- prejudice against fat people exists.
And she was presenting it to a group of people who particularly need to hear it --doctors. Believe me, I've been to more than one who'll cite excess weight as a reason for anything from sniffles to a sprained ankle ("I assure you, anyone who fell that way would be hurt!") It didn't sound at all to me like she was making a judgment.
I think she was presenting this clinically, to a clinical audience -- she wasn't at a medical conference in a motivational-speaker capacity. And, it's probably a good bet she's not a native English speaker, so it's probably not coming across with as much nuance as it would if she were communicating in her native tongue.
Just sayin'. Not trying to make excuses for her, for God's sake, I don't know this woman at all, it's just how I read it.
Sheila
She forgot the part about how if you touch us, you too may become obese!
I'm with anonymous on this one, regarding the intent, audience, and tone of the presentation.
If this presentation had been about the economic and social inequities faced by, say, African-Americans, or gays, would you call it an unflattering portrait of them and a validation of those inequities?
KC.....too funny. I have found that there are 2 types of people. The ones who avoid you b/c you're fat (and they don't want to have that stigmatism carry over to them) and the ones who befriend you b/c you ARE fat and they figure that they'll always look good standing next to you. Actually, that's not fair. There is a 3d category...the friends who have been with you since before your weight gain who honestly don't give a shit how much you weigh (they are rare gems)
After reading the article, I have to say that I don't disagree with teh basic facts.
Up until about age 30, I was thin. Now I'm about 230 lbs. I have definitely felt the social aspects of it keenly. I don't know how much of it is because other people are turned off by the weight, or they just pick up on my lack of self-esteem.
Regarding the whole job thing...I actually had an employer comment on my weight gain and implied that it lessened his opinion of me. Again, I am not sure if he actually thought less of me b/c I got fat, or if my own sensitivity from being fat made me translate his words into something negative.
Seeing as how there is a double standard for men and women in general, it doesn't surprise me at all that heavier women are judged far more harshly than heavier men. I have been attempting the online dating thing and it's amazing how many chunky guys list that they want a slim and athletic woman and ar not interested in big gals. I'm like...Hello?! Do you have a mirror?!?!?!
Like I said, I don't argue the facts in the article. I don't like the whole "it's about as bad as it gets" line b/c it does seem kind of like a put-down, but I'm willing to reserve judgement on that seeing as there's a good chance that I may just be reading it with my "fat-sensitive" glasses on!
Let's look at this. He's at an obesity conference. The obesity conference, which is held every four years, has drawn more than 2,000 academics and health professionals to seek practical ways of fighting the greatest single contributor to chronic disease worldwide. They're talking about the social and physical affects of obesity, I mean, that's why they're there in the first place. They're probably talking about the (by and large) negative affects of obesity. He makes the point that its harder if you're a woman - that being obese is bad, but that if you're a woman then its worse. So within the context of that discussion, being obese and female is as bad as it gets.
Maybe it was even looking at a variety of factors - obese and white, obese and gay, et cetera, and being a woman had the most correlation with negative issues. Who knows. But even reading the pretty slanted Yahoo story, its plain that he doesn't mean it in a derogotory sense.
Catherine, you said, But come on - I have never suffered socially, educationally, or professionally as a result of my weight. That's fantastic, but I have to say that 99% of the comments or weight-loss blogs I have ever read bemoan exactly that kind of suffering. I think that its wonderful that you've escaped it, but you're apparently in a very small minority.
Besides, its not even quoting opinion, the article is talking about studies that made these assertions: A recent Finnish study showed that obese women faced more job discrimination and earned less, not only compared to men, but also to women of normal weight and obese men with a similar education and job.
I know how popular and easy it is to toss away studies that we don't like as "unscientific," but really...
"Poverty was well known as both a contributor to and result of obesity, a condition that was five times more common among poor people in the developed world, she said."
And that's just a throwaway. The fact that being poor might have a significant impact on education and employment possibilities... not important? I'd like to know if obese women had greater difficulties all other things being equal because otherwise the study seems irrelevant and poorly conducted.
I'll be the first to admit I have a kneejerk reaction to perceived critiques of overweight people. I take it personally, and it's very hard to divorce myself from that.
But again - I admit that the doctor has a point, and it's true that there are prejudices against obese women. I appreciate that and applaud the message. But I have been thinking about Jen Wade's point -
"If this presentation had been about the economic and social inequities faced by, say, African-Americans, or gays, would you call it an unflattering portrait of them and a validation of those inequities?"
I would say yes. I'd still be equal parts in agreement and offended by the phrasing. It is a completely unflattering validation of existing, factual inequities.
If that is how it needs to be phrased to be accepted by doctors as a real epidemic and a medical problem to take seriously, fine. But it still rubs me the wrong damn way.
Blubbah asks: I'd like to know if obese women had greater difficulties all other things being equal because otherwise the study seems irrelevant and poorly conducted.
Well... you see, the thing is, the conference was about seeking ways to combat obesity worldwide. Not, "only in places where all things are equal," because, well, they're not. That part of the article was pointing out a reason why some people may have become obese, and why they may be having a hard time not being obese. That's all. And its probably true. They're trying to deal with real-world situations, not theoreticals, at least in this case.
Richard, you're right.
I guess I was more annoyed with the article than with the study, and expressed myself clumsily. It's a common trend, to extract something from a study without any problematizing.
For instance, I read an article recently that said Skinny Models Banned! and talked about Good News For Curvy Gals - and it turned out that a certain fashion week, in Spain, had proclaimed that their models had to have a BMI of 18 or higher.
Short time lurker, first time poster, here. First of all, just to set the record straight, Dr. Berit is a gal. And she is a widely respected researcher (as well as a dentist, oddly enough) Second of all, she's talking about the situation in Denmark, a pretty homogeneous country, all things considered (although it's much more of a mix than it was 40 years ago). For all I know, she's reporting the work of the Danish Commitee on Obesity, of which she was president for many years. Her academic creds as a health researcher are beyond legitimate. Dr. Berit is also quoted
here as saying curvier women live longer. She is an expert on the role of nutrition in the development of obesity and the relationship between diet and the development cardiovascular diseases, which are a major health issue in the Nordic countries as well. She would probably be the first to say that she is NOT a social scientist and none of her other work, class offerings, etc. address the outcomes of obesity, rather the steps to be taken to prevent it, which is what you'd expect from an epidemiologist. *Apologies to those of you who can't read Danish; you'll have to take it on faith or look the words up*
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hi i just wanna say that if you are overwieght at aint the end of the world no and no matter what size you are you are still spechil and im sorrie but if you try and kill yourself cuz of that think again i have tryed it and that aint cuz i am fat it beacuse my friend was and she killed herself and i miss her soo..x plz never do because to the rest of us it realy does feel like the end of the world xx
heya i would jus like to say why the hell would any one want to kill them selfs cuz they are just fat cuz a year ago i lost my best friend she killed herself because she was over wieght and i cryed for ever and still do hu ever reads this no it aint the end of the world to you it seems like it with no best friend but dont kill your self show over people that you are you and not just what you look like xx think about it for all the people that love you and your life will go on :] just be happy ..x i wish i told my mate this before she went but i dont want this to happen to any one else ..xxx
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i'm not fat, but i am feeling suicidel, i am only 16 and i really want all my worries to end, but if my mum and dad found out they would talk me out of iy
Up until about age 30, I was thin. Now I'm about 230 lbs. I have definitely felt the social aspects of it keenly. I don't know how much of it is because other people are turned off by the weight, or they just pick up on my lack of self-esteem.
Heather - I have had exactly the same experiences, but in reverse. Until a few years ago, I ranged from "pleasantly plump" to morbidly obese. As soon as I became thin, people started treating me a lot better, I got a more secure and better-paid job, more respect in the workplace, more flirtation from young guys and so on. I'm used to it now, but at first it really upset me. I'm still exactly the same person, dammit!
I think most of the bloggers here suffer from some sort of anorexia in reverse. So you recon you being obese adds some air of intelligence to your fat existence? Fat = ok? So how come 99% of you go on a diet every 2 months?
For fuck's sake. I'm 170cm, 56kg, blonde and ... oh, yeah, have an MBA! Surprisingly...? NO.
Ran my first marathon a few months ago, and can tell you this. If I can work 70+ hour pw, do trail running and have a social life, so can every other woman can. So instead of sitting on the internet and stuffing yourselves with another hamburger, how 'bout moving you size 22 ass and getting out there - meeting real people? Huh?
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