february 17, 2000 Oh! My Ass!

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I don’t think Joyce is going to last all that long, here: she’s far too cool.  I have spent some time talking to her, and she is laid back, funny, and friendly… and underpaid.  She told me (with surprising forthrightness) that she is making less money now than she has since she got out of college.  I responded in a stage whisper, “They don’t pay that much here.”  Then she said, “Candy warned me not to tell Dave how much I was making.  I thought, are you serious?  I’m making more than Dave, and he’s been here forever.”  Yeah.  Plus, Dave is their right hand man and does a hell of a lot of good work for them.  If they’re not paying Dave what he’s worth, they’re idiots.  Then again, they don’t pay anyone what they’re worth.  Including, apparently, Joyce.  One very cool thing about her is that she said if she didn’t have a kid (and law school loans to pay off) she would love to work a minimum wage job with no stress.  She seemed to think that this office job would be relatively low stress.  To which I say: ha.  With Ralph and Candy on her ass 24/7?  She’s already annoyed with Candy for taking up her lunch hour with bullshit meetings two days in a row.  She already told Ralph where to stuff it.  She thinks the dress code is stupid.  She sees all the bullshit that goes on and is trying to change it.  I don't think she's going to last, but I hope she does.  It would be good for the company-- make it a fun place to work for a change.  In the meantime, one of my friends in the office, Tommy the private eye, has a tremendous crush on her.  I’m his little accomplice and he and I have been having hushed conferences in the halls and passing notes… it’s very reminiscent of seventh grade, but it’s also a lot more fun than work has been in a while.  Silver linings… Another cool thing about Joyce is that she writes comedy material for her brother, who is a famous comedian.  And her ex-husband used to be on Baywatch.  Only in this town… So I was playing Buddy the Cyber Lemming last night until all hours, and I’m tired.  That game, although sucky, is strangely addictive.  And it's why this entry sucks.  Sleep deprivation. Tommy and I have been talking all day and I’ve learned some… um… interesting things about him.  Keep in mind that I am not making this up.  And I have learned this all in one day. He goes to our local fetish club on such a regular basis that he knows all the bartenders, the doormen and the owners.  He is trying to make money on some B&D websites (bondage and domination). He is bisexual. He owns some guns.  He actually showed one to me in the car, and I almost pointed it in the direction of a passing police car by accident.  I guess it just looked like a toy to me.  I've never held one before.  Scary. He shaves his armpits because his cat likes to lick them. He is very knowledgeable about gender dysphoria and told me the fascinating statistic that it costs far less to go through a gender reassignment than to have a baby. He likes self-inflicted pain. As a hobby, he likes to “buy and sort” women’s lingerie.  He is able to identify the size, style and brand of a woman’s pantyhose just by looking at her.  He is a master (sexual dominant) and he doesn’t like to share his subs (slaves) with anyone. He enjoys administering strong electrical shocks to both the inside and outside of his body.  He enjoys it so much that he built machines to administer painful shocks, because the mild ones don’t do it for him.  Keep in mind that I like Tommy. Although “it’s not my bag, baby, yeah,” I can respect that it is his.  It’s interesting to watch someone unfold all their perversions to you.  “Wait, this DOESN’T shock you?  You’ve BEEN to the fetish club?  Hell, that’s nothing, then.  Wait ‘til I tell you this next bit…” The most important thing to remember here, though, is that he likes to stick ELECTRICITY in his ASS.  Don't ever forget that.  I know I won't.  While I'm gone, you can still play with these:

What I'm Reading: My guide book of California, in preparation for our trip. What I'm Writing: Nothing much.  Mood Ring: Cream (like the colored ponies). Journal Quotes of the Day: "This is great -- it's just like ordering ten pizzas for the guy next door. She'll be so surprised to see all of us ... everybody be real real quiet and we'll all yell surprise! We're the traveling mob from the Diary awards, and everywhere we go they say: whoa."  ~Nancy (Hey Nancy.  About yesterday?  Woah.) "I have examined my conscience, I bear genuine sorrow for my sins, I have resolved to commit these sins no more. Yet, without confession, without the satisfaction of penance, I'm trapped, I cannot be absolved. So, without a god, without a priest, without faith, I'll confess here. Perhaps my absolution will be in saying it aloud, once and for all. " ~Saundra.  An extremely powerful entry that is not to be missed.  Sure to make you ponder your own life (or maybe just we agnostics?) Random Tidbit: Tonight is ER, and I can’t wait.  Did you know last week’s ER was directed by Laura “Kerry Weaver” Innes?  The last scene was so powerful at least 50% because of the direction.