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The Freshmaker |
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Sunday, we went movie happy. We movie hopped at the AMC and then
headed to Danielle’s to use her for her HBO. I can’t remember the
last time I watched so much movie in one day. Which means there’s
another installment of Tic Tac Movie Reviews.
Actually, on second glance, these reviews are a little more sizeable. Let’s call them… Mentos Movie Reviews If These Walls Could Talk 2, Part One: Vanessa Redgrave plays an older lesbian who has just lost her life partner. The scenes in the hospital are poignant, but this piece has one central, fatal flaw. If you’re an older lesbian in 1961, the house is in your name only and you want your partner to have the property and some rights and some consideration after you die: LEAVE A WILL. It’s not like Pig Vomit had a choice. He WAS gonna get slapped with the inheritance tax on that house. It’s Aunt Abby’s fault for not making sure that her life partner was taken care of. But the principle is still important. Grade: B Drowning Mona. This was the first thing we saw, so my memory is a little fuzzy. I thought this would be really bad, but in fact it was entertaining and fun. That Casey Affleck is just a little slice of yummy. And Neve Campbell held off on the annoying facial tics. With her accent and looks, she’s a dead ringer for Matt’s sister (except that his sister has beautiful light eyes). But that’s besides the point. If this looks like something you want to see, go for it. You’ll probably enjoy. Grade: C+ Four Weddings and a Funeral: This is one of my favorite all time movies, except that I hate Andie McDowell’s character. Absolutely detest her, especially when she goes up to him at his friend’s funeral and says, “You know, I really liked when you said you were in love with me. It really stroked my ego. Thanks. See ya.” (I’m extrapolating.) I realized this weekend what always bothered me about the ending, too. Carrie (Andie) sleeps with Charles (Hugh Grant) when she’s engaged to Hamish, and then says she’ll be faithful to Hamish “once [she’s] married”. But she and Charles never GET married, so by her logic, she’s still free to randomly hop into bed with whoever suits her fancy. Charles, WHY couldn’t you just love Fi? WHY? Grade: A+ If These Walls Could Talk 2, Part Two. Matthew was there when they filmed the sex scene for this one, and Lucy worked on it too. The sex scene was hot: Michelle Williams and Chloe Sevigny had some chemistry, let me tell you. And some nice boobs! Okay, Michelle Williams is just sexy, period. (I really need to try being a lesbian for a while one of these days.) This was the best of the three pieces; the young actors did an excellent job with it. And it was smoking hot. Grade : A- The Cider House Rules. The Academy missed the boat on this one: of all the actors in this cast, it’s not Michael Caine who should have been nominated; it’s Delroy Lindo. He humanized what could easily have been a one-note role. His tormented portrayal made the character, if not sympathetic, at least comprehensible. Aside from that, the rest of the movie is quite good. It’s no American Beauty, but it’s good. Grade: B+ If These Walls Could Talk 2, Part Three. You know Anne Heche was responsible for turning Sharon Stone into a “wacky” character who dresses weird. I mean really, what was up with the sailor suit in the first scene? I would have enjoyed seeing Stone playing a character that was not transparently supposed to be Anne “I’m so goofy, love me!” Heche. What’s the point? Just have Anne play herself. Sharon Stone overacted a bit, but other than that, this was a sweet piece about two lesbians trying to get pregnant. Nice to see Regina King and Kathy Najimy too, because I love both of them. Grade: B- Three Kings: Since I have now seen Cider House Rules, I can say that Three Kings is (arguably) better than all the other Oscar nominated movies. I really need to see it and American Beauty again to make a definititive statement, but of course Three Kings is not actually back in the theaters, because it was inexplicably overlooked. Plus, I’m still pissed about that Jim Carrey thing. The Screen Actors Guild Awards has got it right. (Max’s brother ignores the Emmys and Oscars, but he goes to the SAG Awards, because the SAG Awards have a better grasp of what deserves to be nominated.) Although Three Kings isn’t nominated there, and the acting was good, at least I can understand it not winning acting awards. What was my point? Hell, who knows. Grade: A
The mailroom guy is gone today, thank god. His name is Pablo, and every single time he walks by my (sad pathetic) desk, he says, “Hey, Mo, what’s up?” or “Hey, Mo, how’s it going?” As I have discovered this year, the reason that I hate this is because I hate bullshit small talk. I hate having to think of a friendly, polite response THIRTY TIMES A DAY. Once is fine. Twice is no problem. Thirty times makes me want to kill myself. And of course, I have to look up at him every time he walks by, because if one of the Powers That Be see me typing a journal entry, I’ll be in big trouble. We also have a temp, who is siting right behind me as I write this. And, I am not kidding you, he hums. To himself. Audibly. ALL THE TIME. This is incredibly distracting. He also smiles like a serial killer. It’s this vague, spaced out smile that makes you think he’s looking at you and wondering what it might be like to plunge a hot knife into your throat. Between the hum and the smile, I wouldn’t be surprised. The Crazy Dog Woman, Napoleon and now The Hummer. Not to mention Toilet Remnant Mongrel Woman just down the hall. Do I work with a cavalcade of assholes or what?
Here’s a response to Shmuel’s survey. (I have to tell you, I thought at first that he had stolen “What’s your favorite Monopoly property?” from me. I walked around Matthew’s party last month asking that as an icebreaker instead of “What do you do?” However, I went back and checked, and I never mentioned it. So Shmuel, you and I have a psychic connection. And btw, my favorite property is Marvin Gardens.) The question reads, “Choose two of the following, and suppose that they have joined forces in a corporate merger. Describe the resultant commercial” followed by a list of companies. I chose Tampax and Old Navy. Here’s my commercial, entitled “Inexplicable Old Navy Pitch #91” FOUR WOMEN are sitting around a sandbox, eating peanuts. MORGAN FAIRCHILD
JOYCE DeWITT
A GIANT KAZOO flies across the screen in the background. TINA YOTHERS
TINA YOTHERS gets up and marches around the sandbox. She is humming "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and waving a yellow flag. JOYCE DeWITT
A DOG suddenly emerges from the sandbox and shakes himself off. LINDA LAVIN is riding on top. MAGIC
LINDA LAVIN
CREEPY OLD
NAVY LADY
MAGIC runs off. Moments later, he runs back, carrying Tampax tampons in his mouth. MARCUS SHENKENBERG walks across the background, grinning maniacally and juggling colored eggs. CREEPY OLD
NAVY LADY
IN MAGIC’S
BRAIN
MAGIC
It is LATER. JOYCE DeWITT is wearing tiny short shorts, and is sitting on a couch in an apartment that looks somehow familiar. JOYCE DeWITT
JOYCE DeWITT, SUZANNE SOMERS and JOHN RITTER, all wearing itty bitty white shorts from Old Navy, are running in slow motion through a field of daisies. The words “Item of the Week” flash on the bottom of the screen as JOHN RITTER raises his hand and does a ballet twirl. EVERYONE
The AUDIENCE
MAGIC
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What
I'm Reading:
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (not much different, but different enough to make it fun to read). I'm getting ready to re-read The Copper Crown until my amazon order gets here.What I'm Writing: Working on the application, still.
Marvin Gardens yellow.Journal Quote of the Day: Let's have a moment of silence for Scott and Jim, who both ended their journals.Random Tidbit: Does someone want to be my lesbian date for Journal Prom 2000? The first time I went to the prom, my date was gay. This time, I want to be.Days Until My Birthday: 14 |
