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Completely Useless Trivia |
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| Today,
I found out that my
new name is Pinky Pickle-Pants. That rules.
I was 18 when I had my first peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I don’t really like them. I have three freckles under my left eye in the shape of a triangle. This makes me happy. I had a one night stand, and I’m deeply ashamed of it. I am still pissed off that Pulp Fiction didn’t win best picture in 1995. I like Forrest Gump and all, but I have a strong conviction that Pulp Fiction was the most groundbreaking motion picture of the 90s. I lived in the same house in North Hollywood for 24 years. I have kissed only one girl, but I have felt up two, one of whom was sitting on my lap in a hot tub, naked, at the time. I was adopted when I was six months old. My earliest memory is sitting with my mother in our kitchen, eating chocolate yogurt. (I mean, I love chocolate, but chocolate YOGURT? Gross.) My father used to tell me he owned Vandenberg Air Force base. I believed him until I was 15. If I go into a bathroom where there is a shower curtain, I ALWAYS check behind it for a possible ax murderer. Every member of my family spells our last name differently. I used to work as a telephone psychic. When I was a kid, I read an article in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not about a guy who hiccuped for seven years. Ever since then, every time I get the hiccups I am afraid they won’t stop. I haven’t eaten red meat in over three years. I am an excellent blackjack player, even though I once inadvertently doubled down on a 20. (Hey, it was 4 am and I was tired, okay?) I have been an extra on Days of Our Lives and The Wonder Years. I am a creature of habit: I constantly re-read my favorite books and re-watch my favorite movies. And I eat the same foods (like Tuna subs from Subway) all the time. I used to work as an internet porn chat typist. Maya Angelou once said, “Modesty is an affectation.” I wish I had said that. Before I eat M&Ms, I have to sort them into groups, and eat them in a strict order according to color. I am obsessive compulsive about this. I have worked with Robin Williams, Luke Perry and Arnold Schwarzenegger. I know all of the words to at least a dozen musicals. And, although I am an agnostic, my favorite musical of all time is Jesus Christ Superstar. I can get you into Disneyland for free. My father’s prize possession is a formal picture where he is shaking Dan Quayle’s hand. He also has pictures of himself with the Queen of the Netherlands, the Queen of Thailand, and a Dolly Parton impersonator. I can speak and read Dutch. I donate money to the Humane Society, the ASPCA, Best Friends Animal Sanctuary, the World Wildlife Fund and the Nature Conservancy. As a result, I get lots of calendars every year. I was the valedictorian of my high school class. I met my best friend Tim online, 9 years ago. Before we became friends, he had rather enthusiastic oral sex with my then-best friend Adele behind a couch. It wasn’t until they were done that they discovered I was lying on the couch at the time. I remember watching the Olympic torch run by, about a block from my house, in 1984. I have held an Olympic gold medal and an Emmy statuette. Neither one was mine. Both were heavier than I thought. I am violently opposed to circuses that have animal acts. We had a minor rock star living next door to us for a long time. When he moved out, we went through the stuff he left behind and I took a Grandpa Munster action figure, which I still have, and which made a cameo in a movie version of Their Eyes Were Watching God that Bruce and I did with Barbie dolls. For some reason, after we were done rifling through the rock star’s abandoned possessions, we threw his green vinyl couch in the swimming pool. Quite a few vibrator attachments, which had been stuck between the cushions, floated to the surface. I used to be a band groupie for a bunch of local bands called Screaming Butterfly, Fear of Clowns and Bovine Fetish. It was Charlotte who came up with the name for the band Bovine Fetish. I still regret something I said five years ago to someone who is no longer my friend. When I used to work as an office manager, I yelled at one of my employees about missing deadlines and made him cry. My room used to be covered, floor to ceiling, with pictures of the New Kids on the Block. My two favorite things in life are food and books. As a result, I’m a genius with a lot of excess body fat. But, as Pecker said, “Life is nothing if you’re not obsessed.” I stole this idea from Beth. |
What
I'm Reading:
Midwives. I'm hurrying through it so that I can get to discussing it.What I'm Writing: Stuff for my company web site.
Snow white.Journal Quote of the Day: "Start naming one, you have to start naming them all, and the Pope would be there still, clutching that big ol' crucifix and murmuring, "Sorry. Sorry about that. Sorry," into Jesus' wooden shinbones."Random Tidbit: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!Days Until My Birthday: 6 |
