april 5, 2000 In My Dream, the Goat Is Sexy

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marku we never decided who will be willow :)   Thanks to Mary Ellen (see sidebar) for reminding me to tell you about a dream I once had.  They say that if you ever dream your own death, you will die in your sleep.  I always believed this.  (Show of hands, please... was I the only one?)  But one day, I had an extremely vivid dream, and I dreamed about the moment of death.  Don't get me wrong, this wasn't an Abe Lincoln prescient thing (or at least I hope to god it wasn't) it was just a strange dream.  I know reading about other people's dreams is boring, but I'll try to make it short. I was committing ritual suicide with Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and two other people.  (I have no idea if we were instructed to do this by L. Ron or something.)  We were kneeling in a row and slitting our throats.  However, I was too much of a pussy to cut deeply, so I didn't die quickly.  In fact, I had time to go swimming, feeling the blood and the life and the energy just draining out of me, into the water.  It was extremely peaceful, but at the same time I was trying to keep from panicking and sort of wishing I had decisively sliced. Later, I asked my mother to drive me... somwhere.  I don't remember where anymore.  She didn't seem overly concerned that I was bleeding to death, although I think she knew what was going on.  I was in the backseat of our old station wagon.  And as we were heading... wherever... it happened.  It's really difficult to describe, but I could feel my "soul" leaving my body and spiraling up and out, into outer space. Then, I was dead.  I was surrounded by blackness and stars, and I had a mouse pointer in front of me which I could move with my mind.  (Oh my god, I am such a geek, huh?)  A window popped up, reading "Limits" or "No Limits."  I chose "No Limits" and felt myself going into Spaceballs style hyperspeed or something, colors and planets shooting past me at lightning speed.  I realized I was in over my head and clicked "limits."  Suddenly, I was in a dormitory with someone who was kind of an R.A.  Everything was decorated in cool chrome and grey.  She showed me my computer, my bed, etc.  I was in the afterworld.  This part of the dream was also long and involved.  I saw Ronald Reagan there with a bunch of dead presidents.  Bruce showed up, dead in a car accident.  Marcy showed up, and I don't remember how she had died, but she was dead.  Then somehow, Tim showed up as an astral projection.  I remember crying and saying something about how I was dead and he didn't really care.  "You know," I sobbed, "You were the love of my life." When I woke up, I kept waiting for Reagan to die, or Bruce to get in an accident, or, you know, something.  But nothing ever happened. My grandmother is like comedy gold.  You remember the 350 year old salad spinner, yes?  Like me, you were probably wondering what was coming next, right?  Well, today I went over there to pick up a check and she had something else for me.  I am not making this up. It's a picture for our wall.  It measures approximately two feet by three feet.  It is a picture of four cuh-yoote kittens, staring off into the distance with their heads tilted to the side.  They have big eyes and adorable fuzzy faces.  And here's the piece de resistance: the picture is actually THREE DIMENSIONAL.  The faces of the kitties POP UP from the rest of the picture, as do the blades of grass.  It's almost freaky.  Anyway, she gave me the kitten picture, a frame to put it in, and a piece of cardboard to transport it home in safety.  GRANDMA Minikie, duh kitties are so cute. ME Oh, yes, grandma, they are. GRANDMA Look at how dah eyes pop out.  GRANDMA rubs the front of the picture to demonstrate.     ME Yes, grandma, it's very cute.  I like the kitties. GRANDMA Yes, they are cute.  Hey! Hey!  You should tell Matt that you got some kitties.  Ha ha ha! ME That's funny, Grandma. GRANDMA Yes, tell him you got some kitties and you got four kitties!  ME Yes... GRANDMA And he will be so soo-prised that you have a snake and a bird and four kitties!  Ha ha ha! ME Ha ha ha... GRANDMA But when he gets home, you know, it's just a PICTURE of kitties!  Ha! I love my grandma. Later on, she was talking about Ash.  Grandma's a smart cookie.  She knows what's up.  Well, she almost knows what's up.. GRANDMA And then that girl has a... a girlfriend.  You know, a girlfriend who is her boyfriend. She's GAY. ME Oh, right.  GRANDMA I mean, dat is okay, but why doesn't she just go with her boyfriend, or girlfriend, however you call it?  Why does she have to go with Abby? ME Yeah, I know, grandma. GRANDMA You know, Mikikie, you a good girl.  ME Thanks Grandma. GRANDMA That is why I gave you dah kitties.

What I'm Reading: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. What I'm Watching: Talk to me pretty..."Here, kitty kitty!"... Pet me Papa, Papa pet me nice. Guys and Dolls again.  It's good!  I love how they talk like Data, sans contractions.  That's so freaking cute.  Mood Ring: Cream Journal Quote of the Day: “II keep dreaming about my teeth. I dream that they all fall out for some reason, very suddenly, usually in public.”  ~ Mary Ellen of Smoke and Mirrors. If you find out what this means, tell me.  Charlotte and I have both had this dream repeatedly.  Strange.     Random Tidbit: Today's title is the title of a Renfield song.  Renfield kicks ass.