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The BoHo Girl |
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of the excitement of my (hopefully) upcoming move to San Francisco is that
I will once again be thrust back into the picturesque land of college student
poverty. Poetry and poverty… it’s going to make me a superstar.
My vision of the future is all about me with my new blue hair and tongue ring, riding the trolley, smoking Marlboros during finals week and living on Top Ramen. It’s all very RENT, minus the heroin and AIDS and stuff. And also minus everyone around me breaking into song and dance. I guess what I mean to say is: it’s all very bohemian. (By the by, I found out that my school is in the so-called “Mission District” of San Francisco. All commentary about the “Mission District” and its suitability for my new bohemian lifestyle should be sent ASAP. In San Diego, the “Mission District” is the gay neighborhood. I’d love to live in the gay neighborhood, although I suppose all of San Francisco is, to some extent, the land of gayety.) I told Tim over dinner, and now I’m telling you, that I have a list of sure fire ways to save some money for the move. My goal is to save $3,000 within the next two and a half months. The only way I can do that is by following a careful budget, which includes the following moneymaking ideas.
Mo’s List of Mo-neymaking Ideas 1. Get a part time job for a few months at like, Subway or something for some extra cash and some free food. Step one involves going to the shops and getting the ridiculously stupid applications, then filling them out and stretching the truth so you sound dumber and younger than you really are. Put quotes around random words. Put happy faces after everything. Make sure you write the name of a community college as the last college you attended, because this is technically the truth. Don’t put that you make more than $7 per hour or that you’re older than 20. If you do, they will never hire you. 2. Do every single flipping free internet thing you can find. Click e-mails and get points. Browse the internet with the viewbars. Get frequent flier miles by clicking on the banner above. Try and click the monkey to win $1,000. And of course, put all your movie and book reviews up at ThemeStream. Do not stop and contemplate that “ThemeStream” is a pretty stupid name. Just try and find 300,000 people to click on, for instance, your new review of Shaft. (Total clicks as of today: 267. I am almost .01% there!) 3. Go over to your friend’s house. When they’re not looking, or when they’re in the bathroom or something, steal their change. When you’re driving with someone and they are checking their rear view mirrors, check the floor for change. Steal it. While you’re kissing your boyfriend, stick your hands in his pockets all frisky-like. Steal his change. Start filling up an old casino cup from Paris Las Vegas with all your booty. Go to the supermarket and trade in all nickels, dimes and pennies for crispy dollar bills. (Keep quarters for laundry and Taco Bell.) 4. Make a list of supplies you will need for school, such as pens, glue sticks, staples and computers. Bring a very big bag to work with you. You see where this is going, right? 5. Get rid of deadweight, like books you don’t plan to re-read, or movies that you borrowed from your friends, or totally ugly corporate clothes you will never wear again after August, thank god. (Also, there are probably some things in your apartment that are small, and your boyfriend will never even miss them if they “disappear” suddenly.) Try and figure out how to get the most money out of them. Auctions on eBay? Ads in the Recycler? A garage sale? Suddenly remember that you may need to build a yurt if you can’t find an apartment. Keep any items that may be helpful in the creation of a yurt. Sell the rest. 6. You still have a key to your parents’ house, don’t you? You know when they’re going out of town, right? And you know where they keep their change, and their canned goods, and their priceless antiques, right? Just checking. 7. Go visit Gaston, who just broke up with his fiancée and is no doubt in emotional pain. Offer to trade sex for one of his bedrooms. (Tip: You won’t have a boyfriend after this, so you may as well sell off all of his belongings first.) Watch Gaston sleep sweetly in post-orgasmic bliss. Steal his change. 8. Keep an online journal for about a year and get readers. Make up some phony thing like, oh, a Trek for Lyme Disease or something. Claim that you’re going to hike for 500 miles through the snow barefoot and you need sponsors. For added legitimacy, tell them to make out their checks to “Lyme Climb”. Legally change your name. 9. Have a non-perishables party and encourage your friends to bring you supplies of creamed corn and pickled beets. This will strike the perfect balance between being uproarious and pathetic. Your friends will bring you stuff like macaroni and cheese, and if you’re lucky, freeze dried astronaut ice cream. Who needs a food budget when you have freeze dried astronaut ice cream? 10. And speaking of food, pay reeeeeal careful attention to those rat recipes on Survivor. I’m just sayin’. | marku:
 What I'm Reading: High Five. Except that I finished it. It was good! the green of new moneyJournal Quote of the Day: “While I'm on the topic of things that piss me off, I can't go past the Olympic Torch. That bloody thing has been the top news item for the past two weeks, usually with prominent sportspeople waving it around and burbling, this is the greatest moment of my life... '”Random Tidbit: Five minutes ago...Please click these links. It doesn’t cost you a dime, but it gets me one. Mo at the Movies: New! Shaft |
