Lately, I’ve seen quite a few movies that have been original and bold.  Movies that have exceeded my expectations.  Thought provoking, visually fascinating films.  Three Kings. American Beauty.  Fight Club.  So maybe I’m spoiled.  Maybe that explains why I think Happy, Texas is so hopelessly mediocre.  

Or maybe not.

I went to see this movie last night, in a local theater that had been rented out by the mother of one of the young stars (who, by the way, didn’t have much of a part in it.)  The premise of this independent film is a great one: two escaped criminals are mistaken for gay beauty pageant coordinators, and assume these roles in order to avoid being caught.  The movie has Steve Zahn and William H. Macy, two great actors.  No wonder I was expecting a cute, entertaining movie. 

Feh. 

The first half of the movie is slow and boring.  I didn’t laugh once.  They waste every opportunity to capitalize on a great premise.  They don’t go for a clever satire of small town life (Waiting for Guffman, people), or even a classic mistaken identity farce.  Instead, it plays like an episode of a sitcom that everyone thinks should be cancelled.  

Steve Zahn’s character (Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.) is left with the task of coordinating the pageant, which presumably he knows nothing about.  This seems like comedy gold, right?  Wrong.  His comedic timing is hopelessly off, his character is not very likeable, and there are not many scenes that even go there.  You don’t even know what the pageant is about, or what the girls are doing in it, until the last ten minutes of the film.  The movie ignores the pageant almost completely, missing the film's biggest opportunity for laughs. 

Then there’s the love subplot.  Who is that actress?  She does strange things with her mouth in the name of emoting and quite frankly, I wonder if she’s on something.  This subplot does end up being vaguely charming, but maybe I was just desperate.  

The only real bright spot in the film is William Macy’s performance as the sheriff, and the subplot (which I won’t spoil) involving Macy’s character is genuinely touching, clever and funny.  I attribute this solely to Macy’s ability to rise above the material. 

The second half of the film picked up a little for me.  I was slightly invested in the characters and was actually looking forward to seeing the formulaic ending to a formulaic Hollywood film.  Wrong.  Characters miss every opportunity to clear up the standard misunderstandings of their mistaken identities.  They avoid every chance to explain or exonerate their actions.  And as a result, the movie ends in some wasteland of denouement that is neither realistic nor satisfying.  

Did I mention the U.S. Marshals do an absolutely disgraceful law enforcement job?  

I was expecting much more, based on the premise and on the reviews I had read. Happy, Texas is a big disappointment.