"On your knees, my minions. "

Tim's two lovers, Mo Pie and Russell Crowe, seem particularly into the whole cult thing. He must be really "charismatic" in the sack, if you know what I'm saying, and I think you do.

Here, Han Solo and Tabitha kneel for the wise teaching of Tim.

"Can we hide the rebel base in the mountains?" asks Han Solo.
"Peace," replies Tim.

Because he's a wussy cult leader. What the hell kind of cult has the message, "Peace"? I thought this was a doomsday cult! I thought this was a burn the house down, eat the pudding, drink the Kool-Aid, fuck me and give me all your money cult. But no. It's a freaking peace cult.

Colonel Sanders asks, "Can't we rejoin our fellow aliens in a heavenly airplane or something?"

Mo Pie gets on her knees (you know she's used to it) to discuss the message of Peace with Tim.

"Are you sure you mean 'Peace'? How about 'Blowjob'?"
"Nope, sorry. It's 'Peace.'"

As part of the Peace cult, Tim decides to have a peaceable turkey dinner. I bet it's not even poison turkey.

The cult members are obviously excited about the turkey. Well hell, if you were in this boring ass cult, it wouldn't take much, would it?

"Yay! Turkey!... Man, this cult sucks."

In the hopes of finding something more interesting going on in the neighborhood, we head over to the Darkside house, where Spike and Angel have decided they're going to get some hot booty tonight.

"Okay, you be Lance, and I'll be A.J...."
"You always get to be A.J.!"

After practicing their dance moves, they decide to re-do the floors and invite over some hot babes for pizza. That's Karen, Spike's date, and Amy, Angel's date.

"What do you want on your tombstone, Spike?"
"I already have one. It says, 'Hey, where'd he go?'"

After dinner, they lead the girls onto the dance floor and show off their moves.

"I follow the teachings of the Peace People..."

I guess all that talk of cults worked some magic on Amy, because she was soon smitten with Angel, and he with her. Aww.

"You're so cute when you talk about mind control..."

Karen and Spike are having a somewhat more tempestuous relationship. Although Karen is in love, Spike is resistant to her charms.

"I love you, yet I hate you."

And yet, Spike is hoping to get some action. But Karen is a woman of principles.

Is that all you vampires ever think about?

Will Spike ever give Karen his heart? Will Karen ever give Spike her tootie? Will the cult ever do anything even remotely interesting? Stay tuned!