Well, well! A new look at the mo pie Sims-- at long last. I finally got a vacation from school, and I finally installed the Vacation expansion pack. Not that you care, but that's the reason for the long drought between Sims entries. I will tentatively promise less of a drought in the future, to those of you faithful souls who are still out there.

The first thing I did was check in at the Pie-Winslet House of Sluttery. To my surprise, Mo Pie was in the hot tub flashing me her boobs. It was her way of saying welcome back, I guess.

Check it out! I think the water boiled my nipples off!

While Mo Pie was dealing with the ramifications of that, a terrible thing happened. Therapy the ferret got run over by a Mercedes! Right in front of the house! Yeah, I know.

Oh crap, my ferret's dead.

In order to compensate her daughter for this tragedy, Mo Pie immediately booked the family on a winter vacation. She just called some random phone number and some perfect strangers in a van came to pick them up. That's the lesson to teach the kids, alright.

They decided to go to the snow resort, where they would be sleeping in igloos and doing god knows what.

When they got out of the van, I noticed that someone had dressed them in fetching snow attire. It really makes me wonder: who was in that van, stripping everyone down? What kind of vacation company is this, really?

We are the sauciest snow bunnies ever! Uh, did we leave the kids in the van with those people?

Well, the kids eventually did make their way out of the van and started snowboarding on a conveniently located half-pipe. These kids have never seen snow before, and look at them! If their parents weren't busy having an orgy in an igloo, I'm sure they'd be proud.

Big air! This one's for Therapy the ferret! Woo!

It rapidly became apparent that girls are indeed, better than boys. Tabitha graduated to some really amazing tricks.

And still the pointy hat stays on!

While Alessandro fell down a lot.

Oof

After the igloo orgy and snowboard extravaganza, everyone seemed to find something random to do. I checked out Tabby, and she was aiming projectile chickens into buckets.

Rubber chickens and igloos? This vacation is weird.

Mo Pie and Tim were shooting at clowns. (You can't see it, but I promise it's true.) And see, there's this weird being lurking in the background. The Abominable Snow Thingie. I don't know. All I know is it's FREAKING ME OUT, MAN.

Shoot the Thingie! Shoot the Abominable Thingie!

Kate Winslet-Pie bought a tiny unicorn...

What do unicorns have to do with... oh, whatever.

And, possibly most random of all, Russell Crowe started wandering around with a metal detector.

Maybe I'll find Mo Pie's nipples!

I want you to know that he did this for hours and hours. Everyone else moved on-- snowman building, sleeping in the igloo, making a campfire, what have you. And every time, in the background, Russell would wander by, pacing back and forth with that damn metal detector.

The owls are not what they seem.

Okay, this next thing... okay. I installed this expansion pack tonight, first of all. Second of all, I have no control over what the secondary characters do. Third of all, I am not making this up. I double clicked on Alessandro's face to see what he was up to...

And he was BEING MOLESTED BY THE ABOMINABLE THINGIE. If only there was video. The Thingie is like, humping him. With a diabolical grin on his face. I have no idea what the fuck.

I am the Abominable Thingie! I like little boys! Grr!

Even in the world of the Mo Pie Sims, there is a such thing as too much. The Pie-Winslets took one look at the Abominable Pedophile Thingie, cleared out of the igloo and went straight home.

I mean, please. If they wanted their kids to be treated this way, they would have just sent them to Catholic school.