Moey, his married lover, has tramped her way back into the arms of her husband, Darth Darkside. Rupert stays home, works on his scale model of Big Ben, and plays his guitar night and day. (No, these are not euphemisms.)

He decides that what he really wants to do is find a secluded mountain cabin somewhere. Time to learn to be at one with himself. He needs to reconnect with his inner Rupert. So he books a vacation to a rustic getaway, assured that it will provide him all the peace and quiet he needs.

He's in for an unfortunate surprise though. Right in front of his "secluded" tent, there is a group of people gathered around the campfire. Including a scary guy in an archer suit who is bouncing around in a display of glee that seems... disturbingly familiar.

Hello, little boys! Want to help me with my tent pole?

One of the hippies strikes up a conversation with Rupert right away. This particular hippie is a child with the head and tail of a purple monkey.

Aah, a talking monkey? I am so unbelievably out of here.

In a fit of optimism (and because he can't get a ride back home) he decides to go to the resort next door. No costumed pedophiles, no singing hippies. But what there is, is an archery range!

It's all in the shoulders, Rupert.

You might notice he's not a very good shot. (Which is also not a euphemism, but if it was, it might explain why Moey left him.)

After a pleasant hour or two on the range, Rupert rents one of those damn metal detectors... what is it with these things? But unlike Russell Crowe, Rupert actually unearths something. I am informed by the on-screen text that it is an extremely rare artifact, and when I read what it is, I laugh my head off.

Blimey! It's a golden llama!

Hee! A golden llama! Anyway, Rupert is completely cheered up by this-- who wouldn't be?-- and takes the llama home. He buys a giant souvenir cabinet and places his llama in it. Then he stands around and admires it for awhile.

In loving this llama, I feel whole again.

Here's where it gets really sad: he decides he's going to throw a party, and asks people over so they can see and admire the golden llama.

Want to come over and see my llama? And NO for the last time, that's not a euphemism!

Angel, Willow and Buffy come over, probably out of loyalty. They come, they gaze at the llama, Angel has a sandwich... and then they leave.

Gee, Giles. It's very... gold? Okay, gotta go!

After they take off, the only two guests left are the caterer and the Random Mime from Hell. The mime leaves almost immediately, despite the fact that it's usually impossible to get him to leave. But the llama-talk drives him away! And the caterer stays, but only because Rupert was paying him.

My golden llama weighs nine pounds!

Poor, pathetic Rupert. So excited about his golden llama. I really need to hire him a stripper or something, don't I?