I like to think of it as magnificent, in a homey way.

Here, Tabitha is making a wish in their new fountain as her dog Therapy looks on. The same thing she's wished for on every birthday and every shooting star.

I wish I didn't live with a bunch of lunatics.

One of the highlights of Pemberley is the fireplace in the den, with the bear-skinned rug (faux, of course) that sits in front of it. On their first night in the house, Mo Pie and Tim light a fire, make a toast, and smooch on the rug.

Let's see how this faux fluff holds up under some serious friction.

Later on, a bunch of people stop by for a disco-themed housewarming party, including a stranger named Brad. Mo Pie, that trashy slut, immediately tries to seduce him-- they are naked in the hot tub before you can say "Christina Aguilera."

1. "Hi, I'm Mo Pie, I like sex." 2. And it's down to business. 3. "On second thought, I think I'd rather have a burger."

Man, that was the quickest hookup in the world. (Maybe it was the fact that her nipples are still missing that turned him off.) Bye, Brad! Meanwhile, down in the arcade, Rupert Giles, John Ritter and Emily Dickinson are playing video games.

Anybody got a quarter? I want to play Donkey Kong!

And Kate Winslet spots Spike from across a crowded room and falls instantly in love. At least, I think that's what's going on here.

It's the purple tux, pet. It has this effect on women.

Speaking of pets, Spike showed up at the party with his black cat, Appassionata Von Climax. She's the one with the black spiked cat collar. (Seems appropriate, no?) I have... no idea who these other cats are. The Pie-Winslets don't have a cat, and Rupert's cats aren't here.

Spike, strange cat, Appassionata, Tim, Mr. Miyagi, other strange cat, John Scalzi and Lucy.

Suddenly, the party takes an alarming turn. A fire breaks out in front of the fireplace. Oh no! Oh horrors!

The faux fluff is flammable! Someone call 911!

You'll notice John Scalzi II standing way back from the fire. He knows he'd never make it back from the grave a second time. He's no Buffy, after all. And Alessandro is standing awfully close... but moments later, Russell Crowe pushes Alessandro out of the way and-- having heroically saved the life of his lover's son-- is himself consumed by flames.

The fire department puts out the blaze, and Tim pleads for the life of his gay lover, but to no avail.

But I love him! In a very gay way!

And so Russell Crowe dies, on the very same spot that his husband Tim was doing dirty things with his wife Mo Pie mere hours before, after saving the life of the child of those very same two people. I have a feeling that if we could work out the logistics of that sentence, this would be very ironic.

The members of the family immediately dress in mourning clothes and grieve their loss. Tim is sad that his love is dead. Kate Winslet is sad that her friend is gone. And Mo is upset that she never got to have sex with Russell Crowe. It's all very tragic.

I will never love again.

Mo Pie changes out of her little black dress soon enough, and I guess the tacky outfit she puts on fits her tacky behavior, because she goes upstairs immediately and tries to seduce Tim. Except that his lover has just died, and for some reason, he's not in the mood. Hmm.

I'd love to, except RUSSELL IS DEAD, beyotch! Maybe later.

And then... um... well... I don't even know what to say about this. These Sims do some pretty sick things sometimes. Sick things which I, their creator and god, have absolutely nothing to do with.

The words "peanut butter" come to mind...

Ew! For the love of all that is holy! I mean, love your pets. Just don't love your pets. Now Therapy needs therapy. Now I need therapy. Ew, ew, EW.

And also, ew.