This will be a report solely about the goings on in the Pie-Winslet Castle of Sluttery and also Procreation. Because, oh man. Who needs to go anywhere else?

This time, there's no question about the parentage of the newest Pie. Tim grabbed Mo Pie's ass, and whoomp, there she was. Tabitha Monique.

Girls, remember, don't let a boy grab your ass like this until you're married. Or else you could have a shower of daisies and a baby cradle suddenly appear out of nowhere.

And how did Alessandro adjust, you ask? Well, he was first seen playing with his baby sister, feeding her, and rocking her to sleep. How sweet.

Hey little sister...

But the next thing you know, the jealousy kicked in, and he was raiding the family liquor cabinet and boozing it up.

What kind of parents does this kid have, anyw-- oh, yeah.

In an effort to show Alessandro some attention, they threw him a birthday party for his ninth birthday. (Can you believe he's already nine? Those kids grow up so darn fast.) The party was a small family affair, and everyone brought gifts.

We're going clockwise. From his godfather, Colonel Sanders, he got a head in a jar. Odd guy, the Colonel. Winona Ryder brought a skeleton in a cage, and Lucy gave him a rocket launcher. Russell Crowe got him a dollhouse, and Mommy Mo Pie gave him a crystal ball. Kate Winslet, for some strange reason, went with a giant gold Buddha. And from his father...

He got a stripper.

My, how you've grown, big boy...

So among Alessandro's gifts, we have a stripper, a skeleton, and a severed head. This is one sicko family. No wonder he's a nine year old budding alcoholic!

In the meantime, Tabitha was getting plenty of love and attention. The good news is, someone volunteered to be her godfather!

The bad news is, it's the Random Mime from Hell.

The reason the RMfH was in the PWCoSaaP in the first place, of course, was because Tabitha and Alessandro's family was throwing a wild party. And I do mean WILD. The mime showed up, along with some random party crashers. Then Drew Carey showed up (which means the party is raging) and watched Kate Winslet and Mo Pie have sex.

I'm sure he'll figure out he has to turn around...

Later on, while Mo Pie and Kate were making out, Mo Pie was still thinking of Drew.

She's not even capable of monogamy for five seconds, is she?

But the best thing happened at the end of the party-- and it took me completely by surprise! Mo Pie hopped in the vibrating bed, hoping to get some more action from her woman. As Kate Winslet was walking into the bedroom to "play in bed," someone else ran in and got there first....

One of the party crashers!

So, basically, Mo Pie ended up having sleazy sex with a complete stranger at her nine year old son's birthday party.

Of course, this doesn't surprise me at all, considering that Mo Pie is, as we all know, a dirty slutty skanky super tootie whore. But I had no idea the game would allow something so perverted to happen! I love it.