After Nels Gay and his fruitcake were both rejected by ex-husband Russell Crowe, he sank into something of a depression.

In the immortal words of Mike Yanakita, I'm so-a lonely.

Once he had eaten several pints of Ben n' Jerry's and felt better about life, Nels decided to try a new tactic in the search for love. He would rub a magic lamp, contact a genie, and use his three wishes to find someone who deserved him.

Should I wish for love, or furniture?

So on the first day, Nels rubbed the lamp and a genie popped out. "I wish for someone to love!" Nels exclaimed. The genie rubbed his hands together, zapped his bolt of magic lightening...

And caused a flood.

So that didn't go so well. But Nels is nothing if not hopeful. He ate another pint of Chunky Monkey, and rubbed the lamp again. "I wish for true love!" he tried again. And the genie gave him...

A lot of dead plants.

Poor Nels. What else could he do but pull out the Cherry Garcia? While he was lounging around in his underwear, eating ice cream and shooting dirty looks at the dormant genie lamp, his doorbell rang. Could this be the person he had been waiting for?

'Ello, mate. I'm Spike.

Seems like the answer to anyone's prayers, doesn't it? But sadly, just as Nels was starting to get to know Spike, he said he was hungry and went home again. Nels had neither Wheetabix nor blood in the house, and he had just finished all the ice cream. Poor, poor Nels.

But he was convinced that if he just rubbed the magic lamp one more time, it would be the wish he had been waiting for. So he rubbed the lamp again and said, "I wish for someone to love me!"

And the genie, resolved to get it right this time, put a love spell on one special Sim just for Nels. And that Sim was... the heartbreaking bastard himself, Russell Crowe.

No! Not him! Anyone but him!

Oh, the bitter irony. Sorry, Nels. Looks like you're going to have to try something else...

Meanwhile, at the Pie-Winslet Castle of Sluttery and Procreation, the Sims were getting themselves in plenty of trouble.

First, Mo Pie created a potion with their chemistry set... and turned herself invisible!

Now nobody can see how cute I am! Oh no!

She tried talking to people, but it seemed as though none of them could see or hear her.

If he really can't see me, I should steal his money.

Fortunately for her, she could still make out with her husband. See what sluts all these Sims are? They'll even make out with invisible people.

I have no idea who I'm kissing. But who cares?

After that rousing round of invisible kissing, Tim decided to go do some stargazing. Russell Crowe brought out the baby, Tabitha, so Tim could show her where the Big Dipper was. What a sweet, domestic scene.

Hey Russell! Your package looks huge through this thing!

And then suddenly...

Tim was gone!

Yes, Tim had been abducted by aliens. The family was distraught. Would they ever see him again? The grief even caused Mo Pie to become visible once more.

Tim's wife and son mourn his disappearance.

Family friends Xeney and Probst joined in the family's distress. Even the caterer was all broken up about it.

He always loved my pigs in a blanket...

Will Nels ever find true love? Will baby Tabitha grow up without a father? Will Tim be returned to his family? Will he be walking funny? Stay tuned to find out!