First, there was Eleanor. I guess she missed the part about him living in a pink and lavender house with a giant pool shaped like a penis, his name being Gay, and him actually being gay, because she came over and tried to give him a backrub.

No, I don't want no rub, a rub from a girl who can't get no love from me...

Nels sank further into despondency. He couldn't even be bothered to clean up after himself, and was living in a terrible state of squalor.

If I can't have love, I'll take pepperoni and extra mushrooms.

Then, when things looked hopeless. Spike came over again. Nels promptly decided he was in love (well, wouldn't you?) but all Spike could think about was watching TV.

Hey, Passions is on!

Nels tried to put the moves on Spike anyway, and was brutally rebuffed.

What do you take me for... some kind of poof?

Nels convinced Spike to go into the hot tub, and wooed him. You can't see it in this picture, but I'm guessing something is going on below the bubbles.

Spike must be explaining why the Sim sun doesn't burn him to a crisp. I'd like to know that, myself.

Footsie in the hot tub was the greatest aphrodisiac, because the next time Nels tried to plant one on Spike, his lovin' was enthusiastically returned. That's some hot boy on boy action right there. Boy, howdy.

Mmm. I guess I AM some kind of poof after all!

When we last left the Celeb family, Josh tried unsuccessfully to propose to Jen Journaler. Well, he kept right on trying-- and she kept right on turning him down.

As it turned out, the diamond just wasn't big enough. When he was finally able to produce a nice 1.5 carets in a platinum setting...

Oh, it's so sparkly!

...Jen agreed to move in and become Mrs. Jen Celeb.

I promise to love and honor you, and be available for plenty of sweet bunny humping, until death do us part...

The sweet bunny humping began almost immediately. They built a little love nest on the second floor, installed a heart shaped bed, and got straight to the honeymoon. Aww.

When we last left the PWCoSaP, Tim Pie was up in an alien ship being anally probed. (Insert joke about role playing this very scenario with Russell Crowe here.)

In the meantime, baby Tabitha Monique grew up into a feisty little eight year old with, for some bizarre reason, a wizard hat on.

"What's with the wizard hat?" "Dunno. What's with the teal tuxedo?" "Dunno."

Of course it was difficult for Tabby, growing up without her father around. That strange assortment of men (and women) hopping in and out of her mother's bed was also rather confusing. And she still hadn't figured out how Russell Crowe fit into the whole picture. Tabitha liked to talk things over with her supportive best friend from down the street, Cassie Peeps.

Will you quit telling that "My dad was abducted by an alien" story, already? You bore me.

One day, entirely out of the blue, Tim Pie returned to his family, good as new. And there was much rejoicing. (I think. I didn't actually see any, but I'm sure somewhere, someone rejoiced.)

I really hope nobody put a satellite dish in my ass...

With his newfound knowledge, transplanted alien personality, and unknown object in his ass, Tim did the only thing a man could do under such circumstances. Taking advantage of his uncanny resemblance to Anton LeVay, he started his own cult.

So there's this alien, see. And his name is Xenu...

Will Jen and Josh be fruitful and multiply? Will Nels and Spike build a love nest of their own? Will Tim make his cult members eat the pudding and drink the Kool-Aid? Or even worse, make them buy Dianetics? Stay tuned!